The Beaverly Hillbillies

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MOVIE TYPE: Feature

97 Mins

In-X-Cess

DIRECTOR: Jim Enright

THEMES: Outdoor Sex

CONDOMS: None Noted

2003

3/94

STARS: Tiffany Million, Sahara Sands, Mandy Foxxx, Beverly Glenn, Sydney St. James, Valeria, Jon Dough, Mike Horner, Jonathan Morgan, Steven St. Croix

REVIEW-

This is really taking us back a ways. Not surprisingly, all of the girls in this flick have long since hung up their garters. It is also not much of a shock that the guys are still around, though mostly as directors now. I’m pretty sure that this porn version of the old sit-com came before the mainstream flop. It will be interesting to see just how well this collection of porn performers handle the intense dialog that will likely be required of them. (Stop laughing.) At any rate, we get to see Tiffany Million’s body in some tight little shorts and pigtails. Even if the story is stupid and the dialog is bad, this woman is bound to brighten up our day.

Tiffany is sitting on the porch reading when Jon Dough and Mike Horner come by for a visit. All three of them do really silly hillbilly accents, but the dialog makes the accents seem less laughable. Apparently Tiffany is leaving town the next day and the boys are making a last visit to play with the busty blonde. (And just who gave her the boob job in beaver hollow?) They make short work of her dress and pay a lot of attention to those big knockers and her tight as can be backside. Tiffany was always a great cock sucker and she nearly swallows every inch of Dough’s dong. When the guys switch places, she keeps Horner very happy with another great blowjob as she gets plowed from behind. This is feature sex, but there is good energy and I almost wish we could force current feature shooters to go back and watch how it can be done. Check out Tiff on her back with her boots in the air and her feet twirling with the deep strokes she’s getting. She holds her mouth open for Dough’s big load and Horner hoses down her shaved muffin as they say good-bye to the best piece of ass in the county. (Tiff squeezes out a few drops of milk at the end of this scene for no apparent reason.)

Tiff and her two sisters have to leave the family farm to move to Beverly Hills. The man from the bank needs all three girls to sign the papers, but one of the sisters is bus getting naked in the hay with Beverly Glenn. Bev isn’t looking too hot in this flick and the other blonde (Sydney St. James I think) is a rather average looking babe herself. The girls go looking for some fruit to share and that gives us some banana sucking before the pussy eating takes place. If you like blonde lesbians having sex with their boots on then might find the pussy grinding somewhat appealing. Otherwise, enjoy a luxury that we didn’t have when the movie first came out and hit the chapter button to move forward to something potentially strokeable.

Back at the farm house, the bank guy takes Sahara Sands for a ride up to the old water tower. They enjoy the sunshine for a few seconds before getting down and dirty. Sahara shows him some down home hospitality with her mouth that has him at full mast in no time. Apparently Tiffany got all the looks in this family, but all of the girls seem to be easy lays. Sahara rocks back to meet him as he pushes into her pussy from behind. After a pretty good looking reverse cowgirl, he pulls out in time to shoot all over her bush.

The girls have gone to Beverly Hills to get medical treatment for their little sister. She sees a couple of specialists, Jonathan Morgan and Steve St. Croix. Morgan’s accent is all over the place, but basically she needs some lubrication down her throat to cure her. After she strips for the docs, they double up on her to make her feel better. As into pussy as she was in the haystacks, the blonde certainly doesn’t do a bad job of sucking dick. Better known for their acting than their fucking, Jonathan and Steven are pretty low-key during a short fuck before shooting their loads onto her face. (Somehow the facials cure her throat problems.)

Sahara is enjoying a nice bath and the two blondes who work for her as well. What this movie needs is a really hot scene and what we get is three very average looking blondes sucking and fingering each other in a bathtub. The water angle is good and there is a bit of interesting strap-on play, but only the anal offers us anything different this time around.

Everything is going great until Tiffany gets a letter than pisses her off. The banker totally screwed the girls over and they stand to loose everything. She invites him over later that night and makes him an offer he isn’t about to refuse. He wants both her pussy and her ass, but gets to start with a blowjob. In spite of some low lighting, this looks great. Tiff is on her stomach in bra, panties and heels as she devours his rod. A longer blowjob would have been good, but he needs to get those holes prepared for his invading tool. She shows off her flexibility by pulling her feet back behind her head for easy access. Since this movie was made pre-Viagra, we get to watch him try to stuff his nearly limp noodle into her hot little hole. Eventually it gets stiff enough to give her some solid strokes. I have no idea how they manage to wedge that thing into her ass, but give Tiffany credit for making it look like she’s thrilled to have him going in that way. He fucks her in the ass for a bit and then shots all over her pussy, sending the busty blonde into fits of shaking orgasmic bliss.

I’m not entirely sure how this movie ended up on DVD. With so many features from the vast wasteland of early 90’s porn why this one? It’s not a horrible movie by any stretch of the imagination, but the quality was pretty bad to begin with. Even on DVD, the picture quality is really low. It even looks like an old VHS with tracking problems at times. Beyond that there is a bit of a talent shortage. Tiffany Million rises above and gives us two really good scenes. Other than her bookends, things are pretty dreary. Her three way is a good warm up and then she finishes the movie with a scene that is hot in spite a totally lame partner. Aside from a few chuckles, this one mostly makes me glad that porn has gotten better and makes me want to see Tiffany in some serious fuck scenes.

There is a bonus scene advertised on the box and it comes right after the feature. Obviously shot more recently based on the outstanding picture quality, it features a pretty blonde (the girl from the cover) in cut up jeans and a cowboy hat doing a solo. This is kind of interesting, but soft-core as we never do see her fingers enter her lips.


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