Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre
MOVIE TYPE: Feature
150 Mins.
Wicked Pictures
www.WickedPictures.com
DIRECTOR: Jonathan Morgan
THEMES: Comedy, Outdoor Sex
CONDOMS: Yes
2005
5/05
STARS: Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake, Eric Masterson, Voodoo, Tommy Gunn, Keri Sable, Devon Michaels, Nicole Sheridan, Rita Faltoyano, Rebecca Love, Taryn Thomas, Katja Kassin, Kinzie Kenner, Cherokee, Katie Morgan, Randy Spears, Manuel Ferrara, Scott Nails, Kris Slater with a special appearance by Mike Horner.
Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre
REVIEW-
It is that time of year again, time for porn companies to break out their big features for award consideration. As one of the best feature companies in the business, Wicked always has a number of story-driven flicks at the top of our must-see list. Every year Jonathan Morgan throws us at least one great sex comedy to enjoy. For this project he is taking on slasher flicks and has Jessica Drake and Stormy Daniels to take the lead. Stormy is perfect for this kind of movie because she is blonde, busty and can play the ditzy role as well as anyone in porn. This three disc set is packed with extra features and brings us a feature flick with more hot girls than we can possibly list here. If Morgan can manage to fit all of these chicks into the mix sexually then that end should be taken care of. We already know he’s really good with mainstream spoofs so this trip into the woods should be more fun than band camp with Willow.
Our story begins in a van on a lonely highway. (Just like the remake of TCM) It is a mismatched group of “teens” including Jessica Drake and Voodoo as the popular kids and Eric Masterson as the geeky kid with the video camera. They have all won tickets to a concert though none of them is sure just how they won since they never entered any contest. Stormy and Tommy Gunn in the back getting busy and that gets us started. Jessica decides they should follow suit and Eric just sits back recording the fun. It is very cramped quarters and we really don’t get to see a lot of action as the two girls give blowjobs. It quickly becomes four way fuck with two very sexy girls getting drilled in a small space. The sex is kind of hot, but it’s over really quickly so we can get to the story.
The following dialog scenes are a great combination of horror film “tributes” and comedic porn acting. Our troop of college kids runs over a guy, considers leaving him and ends up broken down in the woods at nice with the corpse now missing. They do what all good characters in a horror movie must, they split up. The girls run into the caretaker of an abandoned band camp, (Played perfectly by Mike Horner). He sits them down and tells them a tale of lust and blood that one hopes will scare the pants of someone really soon.
In a scene that looks oddly familiar, Kinzie Kenner and Scott Nails get it on. What makes it familiar? (Other than the fact that this is the 3586th movie you’ve reviewed?) Well there is a clown mask and a knife nearby. Hmmmm, At any rate Kinzie is adorable and uses both hands to work Scott’s thick tool. She actually does some of that annoying quacking stuff that we usually don’t have to sit through in features. That is the only problem in an otherwise well shot and energetic blowjob. Her tight little body looks great during the sex. It’s feature sex so it moves along pretty quickly, but the reverse cowgirl is really fantastic. They even work a little piledriver into the action before she gives him a helping hand for the pop. His load hits her tongue and drips down her chin, but there is something evil waiting just outside the window to attack Kinzie once he leaves. She is killed by her little brother. (Anyone want to play “Name that Horror Flick”?)
Fast backwards a few years to a hospital for the criminally insane and we get the next piece of the puzzle and the next piece (or in this case, pieces) of ass. Manuel Ferrara plays a handsome orderly who is sexually attacked by a group of female inmates, Rebecca Love, Katja Kassin, Rita Faltoyano and Taryn Thomas. The poor guy doesn’t know what to do. Rebecca has her big tits in his face while the other girls fight for his hard pole. Because the scene has so many girls, none of them get the attention they deserve. (There is a longer version of the scene in the bonus material.) He does do a really cool thing by stacking the girls three-deep and fucking them from behind. Everywhere you look in this scene there is something hot. Rita is perfect, Katja handles Manuel as well as anyone in the biz and Taryn is just too freaking cute. The girls line up to take a final suck before he sprays his cream all over all four (yes, all four) faces. Dude has been taking his vitamins and now the girls are wearing them.
The evil spawn of this girl on guy rape was the child who would kill his adopted sister (Kinzie) a few years later. He is let out and becomes the groundskeeper at the camp. That brings us to the 80’s where Kris Slater and Katie Morgan play the horny teens who fuck under a tree. Katie is always fantastic and looks great in this scene. She stays dressed and squats to suck his cock. Because the killer is watching we see much of the action from a distance. That kills a bit of the heat, but Katie still manages to shine. They get into standing doggy with one of her legs up on the edge of a dock. It is really beautiful sex and the energy is outstanding. Anyone who loves Katie as much as I do will really love watching the reverse cowgirl. She bounces so hard on Kris that I wonder if he might break in half from her furious fucking. He rolls her over and leaves a good load on flat belly. Hey, if you have to go at least you can go out with a smile.
Tommy is still out searching for the girls when he runs into his “Indian Spirit Guide” played by Cherokee. She adds another familiar layer to the increasingly complicated web of horror and then she sucks his dick. She looks really cute with her braids and even though this is a night scene, the footage of her pretty face makes for a great blowjob. After slapping a rubber onto his cock, Cherokee squats over it and rides as hard as she can. She is a high-energy fuck with strong legs and a great ass. That makes for good reverse cowgirl and even better doggy. Proving the loves sucking cock (or the taste of rubber) she keeps stopping to suck his dick. It breaks up the rhythm of the scene slightly, but doesn’t really hurt the overall heat. Tommy leaps to his feet and jerks off all over her tongue. Cherokee is always great and doesn’t work nearly enough to suit me.
Horror fans will laugh their asses off at the next segment. It’s funny as hell and leads us nicely into the next sex scene. Horner has called the sheriff to come and help the kids, but he is busy with hottie Devon Michaels. She has one of the best bodies in all of porn and we get some good shots of those chiseled body parts during a quick blowjob and hot fuck on the hood of Spears’ cruiser. Devon sticks that ass out nicely during some standing doggy and takes a pretty hard fuck from the veteran meat slinger. This is a quicker scene that some of the others, but it’s not bad at all.
I can’t set up the next scene completely without giving up the horror spoof it entails. Suffice it to say that when Voodoo goes out looking for firewood, he gets too close to the wet chick from the well. Nicole Sheridan plays the dripping wraith and goes right after his cock. As usual, she gives a great blowjob, sucking hard on his balls and downing quite a bit of his fat prick. Though they work together all the time, Nicole and Voodoo always manage to fuck with a great combination of familiar passion and the kind of raw energy you get from fucking a hot new partner. He bends her over the well and we get some outstanding leg shots of Nicole. She fucks pretty damn hard for a dead girl, working in RC like she wants to poke a fucking hole in her guts with his dick. He drops a big load onto her face and then does his best to get the hell away from her. Bad idea in a horror flick dude.
While waiting back in the cabin, Jessica decides that Eric’s camera has become annoying. She decides that he likes to watch too much and proves her point by giving him head. Jessica keeps talking to the camera as she delivers a great blowjob. Eric is only too happy to bend her over and fuck the pretty girl from behind. This woman has really been doing some great work with Wicked and the cowgirl footage is very hot here. Best of all, she hops off and does all the work to get him off. Using her hands, she jerks him right into her mouth, proving that she’s nothing short of a superstar.
Stormy is running through the woods when the Sheriff finally arrives. He doesn’t believe her wild, breathless tale and ends up with a knee to the nuts for his efforts. The remaining teens run through the woods, running into the killer and each other. Eric and Stormy end up fucking of course. Never mind that someone is after them, he wants those beautiful tits in his mouth. The blowjob is painfully short and that is a crime because she looks so good on her knees. Her energy is great, especially in RC as they get busy right in the middle of the woods. This is a scene that would have been much better if they had been able to go at it longer. There is a great facial though as Stormy knows right where we want to see it end up.
As the horror plot comes to a close we get a little scene tacked on to the end. Not to give away the ending, but Eric ends up a star when his movie is a huge hit. He goes back to a hotel suite with Keri Sable and has a great time. It’s another short scene, but she is so fucking pretty that it’s worth watching. Keri does a great blowjob and then spreads her legs to let him pound her tiny body. After so many night time sex scenes it is nice to see one with a little more illumination on the action. They bring a toy into mix, giving her one cock in each hole as he nails her from behind. No real dick in the ass for this pretty babe, but she does take a great facial to close out the action.
There are two discs worth of bonus materials here. Disc 2 has the “real” story of Camp Cuddly Pines. It’s a behind the scenes mockumentary with Morgan and his cast poking fun at themselves. We also get features on the casting and location scouting for the project. There is a “Girls of Shady Pines” reel that is a high gloss look at some of the eye candy that we get to see in the movie. Stormy shows up for a little animated sex in a hot little cartoon that is worth a laugh. Disc 3 has tons of great sex. We get extended looks at the four on one fuck in the hospital, Nicole with Voodoo, Eric with Jessica and Randy with Devon. (Sadly no extended Stormy sex scenes in this part.) Stormy does appear in a bonus sex scene from another movie as does Jessica. We get outtakes from the Keri Sable scene, galleries, sex stats, trailers and the other usual bonuses.
So the question is, how much do you like porn comedies. If you like them at all, then you’re going to love this latest effort from Morgan, Daniels and the folks at Wicked. It is a great horror movie spoof with more laughs than your average Wayans Brothers’ effort offers. It also stars hot chicks who get naked so it wins hands down. Just about every horror movie you can think of gets a nod in this movie. (Though we are missing long shots of hot chicks running in wet tank tops. That seems to be the main plot point of most slasher movies these days.) The dialog is funny and for the most part, it is delivered really well. On top of that, the non-sex scenes are edited and shot with precision and great timing.
OK now that I’ve talked about the movie, what about the sex right? There is really good news and some slightly bad news. On the plus side there isn’t a moment of slow motion sex in the movie. Are we witnessing the end of that horrible crime against sexual heat? I sure hope so. On the down side, a lot of the scenes take place at night. While they are nicely lit with a lot of emphasis on the action, I still like brighter scenes when we have such a great looking cast to enjoy. Stormy and Jessica are great in the lead roles and I wish their sex scenes could have been longer. Katie Morgan shows up and turns in another stellar scene, adding to her already brilliant resume. Cherokee looks as hot as ever and we get to OD on the cute factor with Kinzie Kenner and Keri Sable. There isn’t a bad scene in this movie. (There also isn’t a single girl/girl scene to be found.) Yes, they are still feature scenes, but the sex is very, very good. In recent weeks I have seen some very good features including “Catherine”, “End Game” and “Pirates.” This fantastic sex comedy is right up there with those as early favorites for my Best Feature award. (Won last year by Wicked for “Eye of the Beholder.”)
