Fuck the Teacher

MOVIE TYPE: All Sex

162 Mins.

Colossal

DIRECTOR: Martin Del Toro

THEMES: Teachers, Students

CONDOMS: None Noted

2006

10/05

STARS: Mika Tan, Alexis Silver, Shay Sights, Chloe Dior, Sydnee Capri, Kurt Lockwood, John E. Depth, Andrew,

REVIEW-

This really should be a slam dunk. It’s a night theme-porn flick focusing on sex between hot teachers and their horny students. It features Mika Tan as one of the teachers and…..and? And what? What the fuck more do you need? Mika Tan…in GLASSES…as a teacher. Why are you still reading this? Go on line and buy a copy, right fucking now. Oh wait….shit. Martin Del Toro directed it? Maybe you want to hold on. He’s shocked me by fucking up great porn before. So yes, this should be a slam dunk, but in the hands of a director whose signature move is having girls spit on the camera and leaving it there, one never knows.

Alexis Silver opens things up. She is a teacher at Colossal High School. Andrew is her problem student. When she catches him making dirty doodles that depict his busty teacher being gang-fucked she tries to show him how inappropriate his behavior is. Somehow he doesn’t mind at all. She drops to her knees and starts sucking until the drool covers the camera. That’s really all it takes to totally ruin the scene. When is some company going to tell this guy to knock that fucking shit off? Save it for the bonus material if it’s your “signature move.” They get on the desk for some hot tit fucking that is ruined by…that’s right, Alexis spitting all over the camera. When the lens is clean there is some good stuff here. Alexis dances on the desk and mounts him for some titty-rific reverse cowgirl. Every position features those swaying fun bags, but every few minutes she stops to spit on the camera. That pretty much kills the mood and we have to start all over. They finish off with a very hot shot in her mouth. For those of you who like cum play, there is a lot more to follow. Alexis spits the load out into her shoe and lets it drip into her mouth over and over. When she is done with that, she spits it onto his doodle and rubs it in for good measure.

Mika Tan is having the same problem that Alexis had. Kurt Lockwood draws rude pictures on the board behind her and the sexy teacher is outraged. Mika is great in this scene. She lectures him, wags her finger and wants to see if he thinks it’s funny to get dirty in class. Mika is so good at this part that it almost takes away from the early heat as she takes his dick in her mouth. Once the comedy is gone she turns up the heat in a big way. Mika sucks his cock, licks his ass, shoves a finger in there and basically proves that she is easily one of the hottest performers in all the land. She does a lot of the spitting shit, but seems to keep the gagging to a minimum as she makes short work of his thoroughly manageable member. The action is much better when she is talking dirty and doesn’t have to worry about messing up the camera. Staying in character she trash talks him with biology terms. Her body is great looking from any angle and glasses really round out the teacher look. There are fewer interruptions to fuck up the camera this time and that helps a great deal. It’s just another example of Mika fucking like she’s trying to break a cock off inside of her. She holds her mouth open and takes a big shot right across her mouth and glasses. It is going to be nearly impossible for anyone to live up to the heat of this scene.

Chloe Dior has a problem getting Trent to take her class seriously. This time the set up involves some stupid sunglasses and Trent doing his worst Beavis and Butthead impersonation. He finally gets his tattooed teacher naked and takes full advantage of her busty frame. Chloe starts sucking cock, but we don’t get to see it because she drools all over the camera. Dude…this is porn and it’s a VISUAL medium. If we can’t SEE the action then it’s not that good OK? Maybe that is too complex for some genius directors, but we can keep trying to help them out. After a dismal blowjob, she gets on top for some rather spirited reverse cowgirl. This scene suffers from the horrible start and a lack of heat compared to the first two. Even with that working against it, there is some good desktop fucking and a decent facial.

We turn the tables as John E. Depth takes over the role of the teacher. Sydnee Capri is a music prodigy who dresses like a slut. John tries to set her straight, but you know that isn’t going to work. She turns things around on him by letting him know that she dresses that way to impress him. Sydnee nearly forces herself onto her teacher and is pleased as hell to find that he has a really big cock for her to suck. She seems to do a great job of sucking him off on her own, but at some point the sucking turns into a horrible quag-fest that is punctuated by the occasional drool-eclipse. We can all be thankful that things pick up when she gets on the desk and he finds his way into her hot chocolate taco. When she climbs up on top we get some great shots of her big shaking booty. With the focus off of the stupid spitting and back on sex, we get something great. John pushes in really deep and she loves every throbbing inch. As soon as she takes the big load in her mouth she spits it all over the camera. What a stupid way to end a pretty good scene.

Shay Sights has to call Kurt into her office because he’s been bragging about nailing Mika. As part of her investigation she acts things out with Kurt. He wisely holds back all information until she is naked and taking his cock to the back of her throat. Whoever did her makeup really made her look hard and if we didn’t know better we might think that Kurt’s principal has a special surprise waiting inside of her panties. The gagging and spitting is completely lame and once again it blocks the view for quite a while. It gets even worse when her head is hanging over the edge of the desk. I will be really happy when we move past this horrible trend as well. Kurt likes choking women also so we have that to work against as well. It isn’t that Shay can’t give us a hot scene, it is that the director and male talent prevent that from happening. (Unless of course you are a woman hating drool freak who really would rather watch porn underwater, in which case you should be jerking yourself into a puddle of your own goo by now.) I wanted to comment on the facial, but before I could even type a single word, she spits all over the camera again. What a fitting end to a thoroughly disappointing movie.

This isn’t the slam dunk I had hoped for, but it also isn’t horrible. Del Toro still does his best to fuck everything up. I would love it if we could go in and edit out all of the stupid bullshit that we have to put up with along the way. There is some great sex here, especially from Mika and Alexis. They are great as teachers and play the parts really well. Some of the other girls are pretty hot as well. I hate the spitting and drooling on the camera. Hate it with a passion and can’t say strongly enough that it has to stop. The set ups were cool though replaying them after the interviews made things drag just a bit. I love the teacher angle and think that it is played up brilliantly here. Mika gives an outstanding scene as always and is the single best reason to pick up Fuck the Teachers. Let’s just edit out the spitting shall we? And before anyone even bothers to write to me. I KNOW it’s his ‘signature’ move, but it’s still fucking stupid.