Sex Aliens

OVERALL RATING: 6

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

76 Mins.

Caballero

DIRECTOR: Morris Deal & Ted Gorley

THEMES: Sex Therapy, Comedy

CONDOMS: None

1987

STARS: Candi Evans, Tish Ambrose, Lorrie Lovett, Sheena Horne, Blondi, Ron Jeremy, Peter North, Tony Montana,

REVIEW-

It’s time for another dip into the very deep porn storage box. One of my favorite girls of all time is Candi Evans. I could write a whole review on just how many ways she is the perfect porn girl, but let’s just say that she’s one of the very best. She is joined by Blondi who is also exceptionally easy on the eyes. Since the sex scenes from this time period tend to be less than what we expect sexually, the eye candy factor is very important. With Candi, Blonde and Sheena Horne we know that most of that should be covered. Beyond that, it is a low end sex comedy will silly costumes and a laughable plot. In short, it’s a lot like most other late 80’s skin flicks.

This campy space adventure opens with Candi and Blondi as the leaders of an expedition in search of the last remaining breeder in their race. If they don’t find him on earth, then their race will die out. Locking in on a hospital, the girls somehow spy on Ron Jeremy feeding his long dong to Tish Ambrose. She can only take about half of his dick and they don’t finish. There are patients to see so they will have to finish up later.

Tish is about to do some naked therapy with Peter North when she suddenly vanishes. She ends up on the space ship wandering around until she comes face to face with our super sexy duo. In her place, they send a sex robot (Sheena Horne) to complete Peter’s therapy. She puts him at ease right away, working her lips over his cock and caressing the shaft with her delicate fingers. Sheena was quite the hand queen during her blowjobs and also has these sexy little tan lines. They work into mish where she pulls her knees up to let him in for deep penetration. The camera really can’t get the best angle here so they move to doggy where we see considerably more. I love Sheena’s ass, but love the way she insists on tasting his load even more. They go for the big slow motion shot as he creams all over her tongue and fist.

Back on the spaceship, Candi is explaining the whole story to Tish. She agrees to help the aliens find the man they need in exchange for some special sexual techniques.

As soon as Peter leaves, Sheena turns her attention to Jeremy. He makes a meal out of her furry box and then she puts that skilled mouth to work on his big unit. It is a slip of the tongue though that spells doom for this naughty little sex-bot.

The robot process is repeated with Lorrie Lovett who beams down and attacks Don Fernando. This isn’t a very exciting scene. Lorrie is not all that great looking and Don can’t seem to get his dick hard. In a cast filled with super cute chicks, it is all I can do to avoid skipping this one entirely. To be fair, Lorrie does have nice big tits and takes it up the ass once Don finally gets that little thing up and running. Oh who am I kidding, this was a bad scene twenty years ago and now it just feels like wasted video tape. Don shoots his load all over her wildly overgrown beaver and Lorrie reacts with utter disappointment. (Hey, realism in porn, what a concept.)

Tish returns to Earth with Blondi and jumps right on her as soon as they hit the bedroom. It doesn’t exactly help them with their mission, but we get to watch an experienced rug muncher like Tish take advantage of the perfect, tanned flesh of Blondi and that’s fucking hot. Tony Montana shows up and adds to the veggie action. That puts his hard cock right into Blondi’s mouth and we can all love that. Tish just kind of watches as the pretty girl sucks and then fucks her off-camera man. (I don’t think she ever boned anyone but Tony) She has the kind of body that looks good from any angle and a pussy that is about as pretty as you could ever want. Tony shoots all over that tight little box.

Frank James is busy watching the action when Candi makes her move. She thinks that their Prince might be disguised as Frank so she seduces him. Frank is in the clinic for some sexual hang ups. He can’t cum, but that is about to change when Candi turns on the charm. This is easily one of the best teases I can remember from the 80’s. Candi is perfect from head to toe and makes him slowly take her clothes off. Unlike many of the porn guys of today, Frank seems genuinely excited bout getting to fuck this super hot girl. That’s a big turn on and makes the scene work even before it starts. He licks her pussy and she responds beautifully. He has a big cock, but she puts it in her mouth and lovingly sucks it as deeply as she can. Eye contact was uncommon then and that robs us of some great shots of her beautiful face. Her body and oral technique are so good that we still get a whole lot of great looking coverage. The actual fucking is a little short, but it ends with a big load fired all over her pretty chest.

Candi finally finds Jeremy and convinces him not to end his life. Yeah, that’s a tough one. Fuck Candi or kill yourself. Ron loves eating pussy and he gets to take his time with her sweet little box. When that is done he just slides the big salami right in there. Candy looks so beautiful on the desk and you almost never want it to end. After a quick blowjob, she mounts him and is then taken from behind. I really hate that they hurry through the sex. Ron shoots his load up her back and then turns into his true alien form. It is possible that this is the moment when he went from being a slightly hairy porn stud to the full blown hedgehog that we know today.

This movie doesn’t hold up sexually as well as some of the others from my collection of smut. It just isn’t very well shot and too much of the sexual action is handed over to girls who are a huge step below the best of the best. Candi and Blondi are fantastic looking and they have a lot to offer even in this limited setting. Of course what they have to have has nothing to do with the way they deliver dialog. When either of these ladies has to deliver a line, the result is laughable. I know that no one is expecting great acting from anyone in porn, but these girls are unintentionally funny. Since they aren’t paid to act, let’s enjoy the sex shall we? Candi is so good looking that the image of her body is still burned into my brain twenty years later. Even the tease she gives when undressing for Frank is totally strokeable. Blondi adds a pretty hot three way to the mix. Beyond these two we get some decent stuff from Sheena who was always explosive on camera. If we hang our hats on blistering sex, then this falls short, but if you can just enjoy the female perfection that is Candi Evans and get a good laugh, then it’s still worth tracking this movie down. (It’s not yet on DVD apparently, but should be soon.)