Spring Chickens 15
MOVIE TYPE: All Sex
141 Mins.
Diabolic
www.Diabolic.com
Spring Chickens 15
DIRECTOR: Chico Wang
THEMES: Hate Fucking, Jacckass Porn
CONDOMS: None
2006
12/05
STARS: Tiger, Nollie, Roxxxy Rush, Jessica Jammer, Michelle Maylene, Jeanie Marie Sullivan, Joel Lawrence, Talon, Steve Holmes, Richard Kline, Jay Ashley, James Deen & Tony T.
REVIEW-
OK, it’s time to give another Chico Wang movie a try. The last few have been pretty dismal, but this is Diabolic month and he seems to be shooting just about everything for them. This line has always had a silly undertone to it. Jon Dough started having the girls cluck like chickens as an odd aside to the teen action. Most of the teen focus seems to be gone and it’s just another Diabolic line with Chico doing his thing, making the girls stay stupid stuff and then laughing all the way to the bank as he cashes his big checks. I may be in the minority these days, but I am not all that interested in what he can get girls to do for some cash. That kind of shit bores me and it’s about anti-porn as anything I can think of. Hopefully Chico will figure out what made Diabolic a great company and stick to the sex to that we can all go back to enjoying the first class talent they bring us every single time.
Tiger starts out with an extended chicken impersonation. You know, this stuff was silly, bordering on stupid when Jon Dough did it. Now it no longer straddles the border. During the interview he likes to make her call him daddy and before I can even begin to venture into why that is so disturbing, she is surrounded by thee guys who are going to make sure the quags properly. There is nothing remotely interesting or sexy about watching or listening to this, so I have to wonder what Wang is thinking here. Why waste good talent and a company’s reputation to make a scene that has all the stroke value of colonoscopy. Tiger screams a lot, calling everyone daddy and still she can’t shout down the constant man chatter. Somehow Chico has taken a cute girl and three hard dicks and created something completely unwatchable. How the fuck did he do that? Even with the sound down the camerawork is enough to give everyone watching a serious case of motion sickness. (Whenever I turned the sound up I was treated to a mixture of Tony T’s man-chatter, horrible quagging and a chorus of “fuck me daddy” so if those three things get you off then you can try listening.) If every scene in the movie is this worthless, then it’s going to be a very long three hours. For those of you sticking around to see how it ends, the meat puppets shoot into her mouth. Next!
Michelle Maylene is cute enough that she almost makes it worth our time to sit through Chico’s stupid antics. Thankfully there are none to be found. She just teases a little and then starts sucking dick. (Someone needs to fit Jay Ashley with a matching Tony T ball gag if he can’t stop talking over the action.) He bends her over and starts fucking her from behind. There is some good sexual energy here, but way too much man-chatter going on. I know that the daddy talk probably appeals to a lot of people, but it’s more the growling that gets in the way. Let’s not focus on the bad though because this scene is a hundred times better than the opening effort. We have a very cute young girl with a tight little body who gets fucked really hard. That’s really what it should always be about. There is still a bit more camera jerking than we need, but it is very hard to argue with the great heat here. Michelle is cute, vocal and actually seems to be having a good time. Jay is too loud, but also seems to enjoy fucking her. She does turn her head a bit when it’s time for the popshot and there is a rather amusing exchange about that fact at the end of the scene. (Though it goes on way too long) With all the crap Wang has given us lately, this scene needs to be celebrated.
If anyone likes dirty feet, then be prepared to enjoy Jessica Jammer. Before she given much of a chance to talk, Steve Holmes fills her mouth and Jay goes right for the ass. The action is not as good as the last scene, but it is still a step up from the opener. (Addition by subtraction? Take that for what it’s worth.) Jessica provides tons of anal footage and buries her tongue deep into Jays’s butt. Moving from erotic, to homo-erotic Jay slides his dick right on Steve’s and they share her snuggest of orifices. That doesn’t last too long because she admits that it hurts and appears to be bleeding just a bit. (Nothing says healthy sexually more than hearing “it hurts daddy” while watching two unprotected dicks share a bleeding asshole. I can almost hear OSHA coming now.) That seems to slow her down enough to kind of kill the scene. After that Jessica seems to be going through the motions She takes it up the ass, shouts out “daddy” whenever she can, but the air has just gone out of the sails on this one. There is lots of DP footage and A2M for those who need it. They feed her cum at the end of a scene that isn’t as great as it could have been, but certainly has some good stroke value.
Nollie Is a cute girl with a big smile on her face when she starts the scene. In Chico’s world that must be a bad thing because he sends Talon in to shove his Readi-Wood into her mouth, grab her head and ask her if she likes “sucking cock.” (Oh come, it would be just too easy.) They stop the flat oral footage to have her say “Oh pappa, pop my fucking cherry.” Even if the words would normally turn you on, the way they are delivered makes it clear that everyone involved in this scene is just going through the motions. The smile has faded from Nollie’s face, Talon pokes her pussy like he would rather be anywhere else and Wang moves the camera from her face to her slit like he’s long overdue for his ADD meds. (Then again when there is nothing interesting to shoot, how long should stay in one place?) To make up for the complete lack of chemistry and heat, Talon grabs her by the throat and Nollie throws out a few flat lines to her daddy about how she has never fucked like this before. This couldn’t be any more boring and disconnected if it was a Vivid contract Girl fucking Ed Powers. Normally I would say that the end of the scene is the end of her misery, but I think it in this case Talon’s pop puts us all out of our misery.
Roxxxy Rush looks bored and confuses as Chico tries to explain why girls love women who hate men. How do they feel about men who fuck like they don’t like women? That seems to be his MO these days. In this case we get a very flat DP scene with Roxxxy taking what the guys have with no sense of joy or sexuality. This is what people like Chico can get girls to do for money. Hooray. Can we move on now please? There are lots of companies that make bland, lifeless sex movies. I just don’t like to see it come from Diabolic. Please don’t try and cover up the lack of heat with slapping, choking, hate fucking and stupid throat tricks. Those are just things people do to hide what should actually be there. This is another totally boring scene that wastes a pretty cute girl. What a shame.
Tiger comes back for a quick blowjob on a guy who really struggles to stay hard. This scene just feels totally out of place. It isn’t without stroke value, but it just feels odd.
Jeanie Marie is all glammed up. She looks like she is ready for a Skeeter Kerkove set with that hair and make up. After some tease footage she dives into the middle of a blowbang. She manages not to gag too badly, but the guys talking and laughing give us a completely homo-erotic soundtrack. The guys growl, grab her by the throat and treat her like an exotic dancer at a Duke Lacrosse party. (STOP typing, save the hate mails. It was a JOKE.) There is some heat here, but the guys surround her and the action isn’t shot all that well. Way too many guys and not enough of the chick. It really is like watching a bunch of guys fucking a chick to impress each other and that destroys whatever heat we might have otherwise seen from this skinny little thing. They don’t act like fucking her is even a little bit of fun so they grab her throat and she responds by being completely disinterested. That makes two of us sweetheart.
This movie is a lot better than Chico’s last effort and it provides great hope as well as great frustration. Yes, he is still the leader of the Jackassization of porn and that shit needs to stop. In the old days, Diabolic directors were guys who jerked off to good porn and now it seems like they get off seeing how stupid they can make girls act. He may make a point to talk about how much he hates women in the BTS, but all joking aside, that is the kind of porn he’s making these days. With that in mind we do get one stunningly good scene and that really makes me wonder what’s going on. Michelle’s scene proves that Chico can shoot good porn. So why is he wasting time with the Jackass/Sideshow bullshit? If every scene in the movie was as good as Michelle’s then this would be a solid A, no question about it. Instead we get a bunch of the usual crap. Lots of guys who don’t dig women, dishing out pharmaceutical grade hard ons to prove that some pretty girls will do anything for cash. Now that we know that Chico can shoot good stuff, one has to wonder why he doesn’t.
