Teenage Spermaholics 5
MOVIE TYPE: All Sex
235 Mins.
Jules Jordan Video
www.julesjordan.com
DIRECTOR: Mike John
THEMES: Blowbangs,
CONDOMS: None
2006
6/06
STARS: Lexi Love, Roxxxy Rush, Lela Star, Chelsea Rae, Mysti May, Ariel Alexus, Riley Mason, Erik Everhard, Brian Surewood, John Strong
Teenage Spermaholics 5REVIEW-
It’s time for Mike John to bring one of his existing lines over to Jules Jordan Video. We’ve followed the Teenage Spermaholics line for quite a while now. Lately he’s been throwing some little twists into the mix. I wouldn’t go so far as to call them story lines, but we do get to watch some shenanigans, Porn Valley style. Mike and his friends are always looking to fuck one another’s girlfriends and while that may not lead to harmonious BBQ conversation; it provides us with a lot of great smut. This group of hot teen sperm receptacles includes some semi-familiar girls as well as some new ones. We never know how well the girls will do under these conditions, but we can be sure that Mike will leave no face uncreamed, no throat uncoated and no teen unviolated. (Unviolated? Dude, that’s a reach even for you.)
Lexi Love, Erik Everyhard, Brian Surewood & John Strong
Lexi is Mike’s high-maintenance girlfriend who constantly complains about his crappy car. As soon as he heads out to find a new ride, Lexi rushes up to the front door of a house and gets dirty with the three guys inside. Erik, Brian and John don’t even let her say hello before they have her sucking cock. Actually she isn’t sucking so much as quagging. Proving that even a great director can be derailed by pointless throat symphonies, we have to suffer through some pretty dreary stuff to get a bit of good stuff here. Lexi is very pretty and knows how to talk dirty. (I am calling for a new line right now “No Quagging Allowed” Someone has to do it to save the blowjob.) With this pretty girl being tossed around we get plenty of chances to enjoy her sexy body. There is also enough half-puking to thrill those of you who actually like the fake-gag scene. I just happen to find this stuff to be about as wood killing as anything I can imagine. It really doesn’t matter who is behind the camera when this stuff is going on. There is some good action here, but it is a hundred times better without the sound. She stops the fake gagging long enough to take their loads in her mouth and then gargles with the loads as part of the load-play. One load just isn’t enough so she keeps sucking and stroking until she gets two more. These final few moments are actually really hot because she is too focused on getting the guys off to worry about making stupid seal sounds. The post-pop cum play at the end is about as extensive as you will see in any movie.
Roxxxy Rush & Erik Everhard (And friends)
When Everhard finds Mike outside his house later distraught over his girl, he gives him a helping hand. Actually he suggests that Mike give himself a helping a hand. With tissues, lube and a porn flick on TV, Mike goes about trying to put his mind at ease. Roxxy Rush is the star of the scene and she happily shows off her goods during a POV segment. Dropping to her knees she spits all over his cock until it is wet enough to slide between her lovely tits. She impresses him so much with her oral skills that he takes her to the next room where more guys are waiting to fill her mouth. She does a little bit of gagging, but it isn’t nearly as bad as in the opener. We are also treated to some really nice tit footage as she makes her chest sway with every bob of her head. The guys start fucking her from behind and that just makes the tits shake even harder. At this point the quagging gets a little annoying, but overall her heat is enough to get us past this stuff. After working her ass over with fingers the guys DP her holes and let her scream out for more. Roxxxy gets a big shot right up her ass and lets it dribble into her hand. The next two loads go right in her mouth and she swallows with a final shake of her impressive tits.
Lela Star & Erik Everhard and Brian Surewood (And the mope squad)
Perhaps this scene is part of the same movie because it opens with no set up. We get to watch this pretty brunette do some nice tease footage though. As she sucks cock, Everhard reaches under her skirt and works her pussy over with his fingers. This girl really doesn’t need much of a set up because she is just so damn hot. Check out those natural tits. I am very glad to see a scene that doesn’t feature the fake gagging, especially when you consider how hot Lela is. She is as hot to fuck as she is pretty and we get to watch her go nuts on top of Everhard’s cock for a while. He and Surewood have her doggy and pump her full of dick from both ends. Her energy is fantastic and we even get some no-gag deep throat action. They have really found a special performer in this girl. Brian and Erik give her all they’ve got and she just screams for more. Erik leaves a load in her mouth, but that is only the beginning. They keep pounding on her pussy in doggy and making her work for her money. When both loads still aren’t enough, the guys bring in a mope squad for a blowbang. These scenes are usually breeding grounds for quagging, but apparently this hot babe sucks without the throat production. In addition to her fine sucking, Lela wraps her tits around cock like she’s been doing it for years. The cum flows freely in this scene, on her mouth, her tits and down her throat.
Chelsea Rae & the black Mope Squad
Disc two opens with Chelsea rubbing her pussy on the stairs. She is a very pretty blonde who is quite easy on the eyes. After following her into a bedroom we get some POV footage of the pretty young thing begging for cum. What she gets is a quartet of cock supplied by the black mope squad. With her fingers hard at work between her legs she sucks for a few moment and then flatters them with some loud gagging. (Even on the less than horse-like cocks.) The quagging kind of kills the heat a little, but our cum swallowing princess is still worth a look as she opens her mouth for their loads.
Chelsea & Sean Michaels
These guys are just a warm up for our hot little starlet. She gets the full treatment from Sean Michaels when they are finished. He slides his tongue into her already dripping pussy and gets her ready to really experience big black cock. She slips his balls into his mouth and gives them a thorough sucking. Just when we’re about to enjoy some hot head, out comes the “gak, gak, gak” chorus. Why on earth do girls do this and why on earth to do good directors allow it to happen without stopping production dead? That pretty much kills the potential of the blowjob, but it can’t stop the great looking footage that we get when she is riding on his long pole. Chelsea has a nice ass, a pretty pussy and is quite enthusiastic about taking Sean deep into her young body. Sean rolls her over for some mish, but she is just waiting for the A. It doesn’t take her long at all to get used to that backdoor penetration. Once she gets him in there, Chelsea is able to hop right on top and make short work of Sean’s long black dong. The anal action here is solid and she proves that she can handle the real meat like a champ. Sean shoots his load into her and she pushes it out into her hand for a taste.
Mysti May & the Mopes
When Erik comes back he finds Mike in a better mood and has a story that should help him forget all about his cheating girlfriend. Apparently Mysti May is also a cheating whore. Cheating on John Strong, she pulls a huge blow bang. As pretty as she is, this one falls right into the quag trap from the jump. (A Quagmire perhaps?) Luckily the guys start shooting quickly so we can move on. They leave massive amounts of semen in her mouth and on her face just as John gets home. He makes her eat the remaining cum and then turn in a scene with three cocks. What better way to punish your cheating girlfriend than to give her more dick? This time she does a bit more sucking, but it is still a quag-fest that ruins a great visual and wastes a lot of potential heat. This is another scene that should be watched with the sound down because Mysti is too cute too miss but too caught up in the sounds of ducks being slaughtered to be sexy. She is a hot chick who looks good being fucked. The facials are nice and there is some good material here, but the quagging ruins the overall heat.
Ariel Alexus & Brian Surewood and Dave Hardman (Plus)
Mike leaves Erik’s place convinced he will never be a chump again, but a week later he is in deep. Ariel Alexus is the new high-maintenance girl and when she sends him out for caviar, you know what she’s going to do. As soon as Brian and Dave arrive, the sexy black babe shows them her stuff. She puts her lovely lips to good use and makes a lot of noise while sucking without fake gagging. Alexus has some really great looking tits that shake as Dave pounds into her as hard as he can. The guys keep her pretty happy with a pair of dicks, but somehow we know that she won’t be satisfied. It won’t be for lack of trying though as Dave and Brian make sure that every hole gets some attention. Watching her big ass shake as she gets DP’d is very hot looking smut. As soon as the guys shoot their loads into her mouth, she swallows and finds herself confronted by a blowbang posse. All of the guys seem impressed by Alexus’ mouth and we get to watch her tits shake all over the place as she keeps the boys happy. There is some tea-bagging and tit fucking thrown into the mix as well. The latter act is particularly hot because she has fantastic tits and knows what she is doing. All of the guys bust nuts all over her pretty face, glazing it like a fresh donut.
Bonus Scene: Riley Mason POV
After four hours of a movie we get a cumshot recap, trailers, BTS and this hot POV scene with sexy Riley. She is a very sexy girl and this scene is as good as anything in the main movie. It just doesn’t quite fit the overall feel so it ends up here. Nice bonus for sure.
As usual there is a whole lot to like in this movie. Mike John shoot sex for the “pants around the ankles” crowd better than anyone and they will have a blast (or three) with these teen sperm chuggers. I like the way the movie is shot and how it flows just fine. Where it gets bogged down is with the usual side show crap that infects too many great gonzo flicks these days. The quaggers in this movie are pretty damn adamant about making a mockery of the blowjob. What makes them stand out even more are the really great non-quag scenes. Lela Star stands out for me. This chick is fucking hot and Mike gets a great scene from her. I can’t wait to see her again. Alexus also does it for me. She’s really well put together and puts on a great show. Some of the other girls are super cute, handle cock like true sluts, but with so much fake gagging going on it is hard to sit through the action. This movie is still a must-see for raincoaters and it proves two things. First it proves that even a great director can have his scenes ruined by this hideous porn trend. Second, it proves that we really need to put a stop to this mess right now. Come on Mike…No Quagging Allowed, the next great line in gonzo porn.
