Porn Wars

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

116 Mins.

Private

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DIRECTOR: Kovi

THEMES: Sci-Fi, Euro babes

CONDOMS: None

2006

7/06

STARS: Tera Bond, Mya Diamond, Victoria Swinger, Nikki Rider, Liz Honey, Sandra Parker,

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REVIEW-

A long, long time ago in a parents’ basement not so far away a few thousand geeks….errrrr movie fans started jerking off to images of slave princesses, big buns and what really went on in that cell between Leah and Vader. (Dude, he’s her father.) (Yeah, but we didn’t know that then.) Ever since George Lucas unleashed “The Trilogy” on us, (The first one kids, I’m that freaking old) porn has been looking for a good way to cash in on the mania. There have been a few “Star Wars” porn take offs and even one that parodied the Mel Brooks movie lampooning the genre. That might seem like overkill, but with a world so rich in fantasy potential we can hardly blame Kovi and Private for dipping into the well once more. With a great looking cast of European girls, a big budget to cover the CGI and space scenes and the usual Private sex, we may finally have found a “Star Wars” inspired porn flick with the “force” to bring us all over the wet side.

Unaware that the evil Seth are tracking them down, the Jodi warriors are training for the war to control the galaxy. Two of them do a little extra special training without their clothes on. The blonde girl has a Mohawk that reminds me of Lois Ayers way back in the day. She puts her mouth around his saber and makes it disappear. They even gets down to some serious tit fucking before he slides that rod into her sleek body. There is some good looking doggy and then great anal as she holds her legs high in the air during RCA and rams a toy into her pussy. This must be some special Jodi sex trick or something because I would imagine that an ordinary girl might hurt herself with this kind of action. She takes his load all over her freshly fucked ass. If this is the way the good guys fuck, then I can’t wait to see how they do it on the dark side.

For those of you who ever watched “the trilogy” and wondered if that mind trick thing could get one laid, the next scene answers that in spades. Jodi warrior Mya Diamond is overpowered by a Seth Lord who works his mojo on her and makes sex by force unnecessary. She obediently gets right down on her knees and works his cock with her pretty lips. He returns the favor and lets her leave her boots on as he finally starts fucking her. The tightly braided ponytail keeps us in the whole Porn Wars world, but the sex here is pure Private. He bends her over and pumps her ass hard before spraying his seed all over Mya’s body.

The Jodi go on a secret mission to search for fallen brethren and find one survivor on the planet’s surface. Two of the women work quickly to nurse him back to health. Ain’t it cool how even in a galaxy far, far away the best way in porn to nurse a dying man back to full strength is to suck him off? The blonde starts on his dick while her friend shoves a great set of tits into his mouth. They share it for a while and then take turns riding on his lap. Summoning all of her Jodi powers, the blonde shoves him right up her ass, pounds hard for a while and then does A2M. Her friend is not so anally inclined, but looks fantastic riding cock in reverse cowgirl. They go back for some anal action on the blonde and he finishes by shooting up her back.

As we hear the fate of the other Jodi we get to watch a pretty decent bit of saber fighting. There is also a rather impressive space battle. This may not be the main reason to watch the movie, but anyone who likes the sci-fi angle will appreciate the great effort they put to move us from scene to scene.

After a nice porn version of the famous cantina scene, the Jodi leader confronts the civilian who may have been the source of the leak. (You know ,the one that got the Jodi’s killed. Haven’t you been paying attention?) She could probably use her saber or the mind trick to get the information from him, but that wouldn’t be nearly as strokeable as the way she wiggles her ass for the camera while riding his cock. They make up for a lack of oral footage early on by having her suck his cock in between every sexual position. I like her energy and her long legs, but he decides to nut all over her little ass.

They discover that Mya is a traitor and set her up with some false information that she takes right back to her Seth Mistress. As a reward she is allowed to slide her tongue into the blonde’s pretty pussy and serve her as a good apprentice should. She focuses on those lips with the same adoration she showed cock in her earlier scene. They introduce some really hot toy play as the girls switch roles. Mya takes fake cock just like she took the real thing and looks quite stunning while doing it. Learning from her mistress she returns the favor, rolling the blonde into piledriver before finishing her off with the toy.

The climactic battle for the universe does not take place with sabers, but rather with cocks as the two top Jodi take on two Seth in a fuck to the finish. Judging by the way the Jodi dude goes down on the evil blonde I would say that bad girl pussy must taste pretty damn good. Of course his partner in crime is making it hard to concentrate on anything other than the way she makes cock vanish between her soft lips. With the scene stealing brunette doing some very hot anal I would say that the dark side is losing big time. Everyone trades partners like it’s some sort of Lucas inspired X-rated square dance, but the Seth babe has a trick up her sleeve. She takes on both guys at once, opening up her ass for some serious violation. Her ass gets glazed, but the brunette takes a facial and in the end, good wins out over evil. Just another day at the office I suppose.

This movie is listed as Episode 1, but there is no indication as to what may be coming in a part two. If anyone is unsure about having a sequel then I would like to vote loudly in the affirmative. This movie is a lot fun and a great X-rated tribute to one of the biggest movie franchises of all time. The women are great looking and the sex drives the movie perfectly. It would be easy to get bogged down with the costumes, CGI and the story and without great sex we would be stranded. Instead they have built a great stroke flick around a nice little sci-fi adventure. I really hope they let this one play out over another few titles because it has the potential to be the next great Private trilogy. When you match this one up with Private’s Sex City, we could see them sweeping the Best Feature category this year.


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