XXXorcist, The

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MOVIE TYPE: Feature

46 Mins.

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DIRECTOR: Doug Sakmann

THEMES: Gross Out Porn

CONDOMS: None

2006

10/05

STARS: Joanna Angel, Tommy Pistol, Kylee Kross, Spyder Jones & Andy Straub

REVIEW-

NOTE: For those of you who just looked at the Overall Rating and are ready to kill me, read on. The OR is based on the movie as a porn flick (Strokeability) and that is neither the point nor the strength of this project.

Happy Halloween everyone. There aren’t a lot of truly ghostly porn flicks (Though some of late have been plenty ghastly.) This movie isn’t even your usual porn flick. The makers of “Re-Penetrator” (Somehow I missed that) have gotten together to make an X-rated version of the classic film “The Exorcist.” Rather than re-making the whole thing, they cut out all that boring stuff (Don’t shoot me fellow film lovers, that was sarcastic) and start just in time for the young girl and the priest to turn an exorcism into a sexcorcism. Joanna Angle and Tommy Pistol play the leads. Just a warning ahead of time. This movie is supposed to be funny. It’s tough to tell sometimes, but take everything with a smile. If you don’t then the uneven dialog may seem a bit cheesy even for a porn flick. And just because I know someone will point it out if I don’t, this isn’t the first X-rated parody of this particular scene. Jim Powers did it for one of JM Productions’ “Perverted Stories” years ago with Mila spewing green goo at the priests from her frighteningly talented colon.

Our story begins near the end of the original, with Father Merken showing up to save the poor young girl. Joanna is in full possession mode and in a really good make up. We get a pretty good head turning scene and the requisite spewing of the green goo. (On of the pop culture milestones from the original.) Mom leaves the room and the Father tries to perform a traditional exorcism. When that doesn’t work he does what he has to do in order to transform this from B-movie homage to porn flick, he tries a Sexorcism.

This is where the sex takes over. Good thing or bad thing? That depends on your point of view. Nothing changes style wise so if you’re looking for blue-light sex with bodily fluids everywhere then this is where it gets good. If you were expecting the usual porno trick of suspending all sense of film making to throw in a sex scene, then you will be shocked. If you’re looking to jerk off then you’re going to need to hit pause, grab your latest copy of FHM and have a good wank. The sex here is fast and furious, just like the music that accompanies it. Both Angel and Pistol are inked up making us chuckle a bit at the idea that they are a priest and a sweet eighteen-year-old. Joanna is good looking under normal circumstances, but this scene is shot with sexual aesthetics in mind.

As if to emphasize that point, the first round of fucking ends when Joanna blows more green stuff from her snatch and knocks the fornicating father across the room. That’s when her mom comes rushing back in. If you’ve seen the original you know what’s coming. Whatever that green crap is, it must not taste bad because mother dearest has to lick her way through three layers of that just to get at Joanna’s freshly fucked pussy. Right in the middle of this round of incestuous veggie love the priest wakes up. He tries to cure them both with some dildos he pulls from his case, but is overpowered easily. They straddle him, riding his cock and face while violently reacting to the dildos. Something comes over mom and she starts spewing the green stuff as well as she falls off onto the floor.

To complete the sexorcism, all three orifices must be penetrated. That means that it’s time for Joanna to take it up the butt. He puts it back there and pounds away. The sex has the same frantic energy and sense of athletics that we’ve seen from the start. With so much goo all over the place it is really tough to see what kind of load he gives her. But come on, if you’re really interested in a typical cumshot you wouldn’t be watching this flick.

Though the movie is only forty-six minutes long, there are plenty of extras to fill the time. The flick has four different commentaries to listen to. Joanna leads one that is amusing if you like listening to drunk (or high) people giggling. Pistol leads another of the commentaries and the director throws his two cents in as well. Disc two is a full length documentary on the making of the movie. It’s nearly a half hour longer than the movie and the other shorts give you over two hours of stuff to watch. If you’re REALLY into this flick then you get more than enough.

So in the end how do we view the XXXorcist? I was honestly stumped when the movie ended so I did a quick poll. I asked three people what the point of an X-Rated movie should be. What is its heart? They all agreed that the point should be to get the viewer off. If that is what we use to judge this movie then it’s a miserable failure. Look, I’m as big a pervert as anyone I know. Virtually every mainstream movie or TV Show I watch has some erotic component to me. I can honestly say that in the hundred or so times I’ve seen the Exorcist, never once did I wonder what it would look like as a porn flick. I realize that there are exceptions, but it is safe to say that there aren’t a whole lot of people who are going to get off on people fucking in a room full of vomit. So as a pure “porno” flick I can’t see this one working for many people.

On the other hand this isn’t your normal porn flick. As they keep telling us in the documentary, it is a spoof of a classic film. How does it score on that level? Pretty well actually. It doesn’t always play like a parody though and I think that may confuse some people. With so much care put into the look, music and feel of the movie, it is a little hard to pick up the humor in the dialog. They are spoofing a movie that is series and intense. Since they have taken such care to match much of the original, some of Pistol’s dialog just seems to be silly and out of place. Part of that comes from the fact that Joanna plays it straight and it feels a bit awkward to have Tommy playing it for camp. Once you just give in to the parody, things move along pretty well and the movie is successful on that level. I also believe that the intent of this project was not to get the audience off, but to make them simultaneously amused and grossed out. On that level it’s a huge success. There probably isn’t any doubt that this movie will receive nominations for best make up, best special effects and it has to be a virtual lock for Most Outrageous Sex Scene.

Here lies the biggest problem. My Overall Grade always applies to the project as a porn flick. As a jerk off movie, The XXXorcist has very little value. As a movie to put on at a party and giggle or gag, it works really well. There is a great deal of care put into the movie to make it authentic and Joanna really loses herself in the character. Not every porn actress would do a scene covered with and wallowing in, green slime. I have no question that this movie will find an audience and that people will be impressed by many aspects of the flick. It is worth a look for all of those reasons, but I rally doubt it many people are going to be jerking off to.

So good porn or bad porn? You be the judge.