Very Very Bad Santa
MOVIE TYPE: Feature
111 Mins.
Loaded Digital
www.MetroXXX.com
DIRECTOR: Michael Adam
THEMES: Santa, Porn Chicks
CONDOMS: None Noted
2005
9/04
STARS: Kelly Erikson, Ron Jeremy, Melissa Lauren, Michelle B, Annie Cruz, Mary Jane, Anna Nova, Aria, Brian Surewood, Randi Wright, Mark Wood & Lee Stone
Very Very Bad SantaREVIEW-
I’ve been reviewing adult movies for a very long time and one of the most frequently asked questions has to do with holiday-themed porn. There are only a handful of Christmas smut flicks and I guess that makes sense. Who is going to rent or buy XXXMas in July? Playing off a great mainstream movie starring Billy Bob Thornton as a drunken Santa, this movie has Ron Jeremy in the lead. It doesn’t have the biting wit or belly laughs, but it does have hard core sex. (Though I don’t know if anything in this movie could be as hot as seeing that hot MILF from Gilmore Girls screaming out “Fuck me Santa.”) I’m sure that the lovely ladies will do their best to fill our stockings with lusty goodies and help us unwrap the Yule log. Hopefully it will be the kind of movie that just keeps on giving all year round.
Ron and Brian play the leads in this adventure. The wisecracking Santa and his sidekick are frustrated by their station in life and not exactly thrilled that the guy in the room next to theirs is having loud sex with a hooker. Lee Stone is happy to enjoy Kelly Erikson’s pussy orally. It may taste good, but he doesn’t stick around down there for long. She does a very good job with her own mouth, working most of Lee’s long dick into her mouth without gagging. This is actually shaping up to be a decent scene, but they rush through everything. Lee rams his dick into her and Kelly takes every inch. There is some heat here, but everything feels rushed. Lee tosses her around like a rag doll, pulling her up on top of his cock so that he can thrust up into that wet slit. They end with a pretty long scene that only feels rushed because they change positions so often. (With cut-aways to Ron Jeremy.) Lee finishes her off by shooting a load on her face.
There are working girls all over this neighborhood and one of them (Mary Jane) finds Brian in an alley. Once she establishes that he has some cash, she drops her bikini-clad body to ground and starts sucking his elf-cock. It doesn’t take long for it to grow hard between her talented lips. In just moments he sprays a big load that actually shoots over the top of her head.
Out of money and down on their luck, the guys con themselves into a job landscaping a house. As luck would have it, the owner is out of town for three weeks so they rent the house out for a porno shoot. This is always such a convenient plot vehicle. Michele B and Anna Nova double up on Mark Wood with Brian watching. The girls pass his cock back and forth for a short while before taking turns riding his face. There is decent energy here and Michelle is always easy on the eyes. It isn’t anything special, but at least we don’t keep cutting away to Ron’s mug. They get into some hot anal action with Michelle showing off her stretchy colon. The ass fucking adds a little bit of heat to a pretty average threesome.
The fun keeps rolling as Aria, Melissa Lauren and Randi Wright get down for the mandatory veggie scene. It is always nicer to watch chicks who like other chicks, but there isn’t a whole lot of good stuff here. The girls work as many fingers as possible into Melissa’s ass. This stuff just always comes off as “look what girls will do for money” but at least Melissa smiles through the whole thing. Aria turns in some good toy play, but this is one of those immediately forgettable scenes that just add to the running time of the movie.
When the male talent can’t performer, the director lets Brian step in to fuck Annie Cruz. If any girl can get a guy happy for the holidays it is this smoking hot babe. She works Brian’s dick with her mouth and we actually get to enjoy it for a while. There is some good eye contact as well as a nice mix of longer shots of her body. Annie climbs up onto his lap and goes crazy on that hard cock. She shows off not only her great ass, but her fantastic energy as well. He gets to take a trip up Annie’s tight back door. The RCA looks good, but I think she really breaks out the good stuff when she is on her side looking over her shoulder and imploring him to plug her harder. It took us nearly two hours, but we finally have a sex scene that is really worth watching. Brian’s pop is strong again, this time overshooting her face and landing on her hair. All I want for Christmas is Annie Cruz under my desk.
We have to wait for a really good sex scene, but it’s worth the pay off. It would have been nice to see a bit more dialog and comedy, but maybe that is asking too much. At least Jeremy doesn’t get in the way of the sex. Of course most of the sex is forgettable so maybe we could have used a little drunken Santa action. Kelly’s scene isn’t bad, but the cut aways kind of kill things. The porn set sex is a decent effort, but if you aren’t particularly into any of the girls, you might just skip over them. So watch if you’re really looking for something holiday-oriented or just to watch the always smoking Annie Cruz get fucked in her gorgeous ass. Did I mention that analing Annie is right up there near the top of my holiday wish list?
www.LoadedDigital.com
