Valentina

MOVIE TYPE: All Sex

90 Mins.

Studio A

www.AndrewBlake.com

DIRECTOR: Andrew Blake

THEMES:

CONDOMS:

2006

5/06

STARS: Anastasia, Adrianna Sage, Rita Faltoyano, Monica Mendez, Charlie Laine, Valentina Vaughn

REVIEW-

This is the last of the “Best Film” nominees on my desk to review. I already watched it a month ago before the voting so this will be my second time through. I’ll warn you right off that I wasn’t all that impressed the first time around. Just to make sure I wasn’t missing something I brought Mrs. Rog in for the second viewing. Perhaps she can help me see something in this movie that I didn’t see the first time. Before we get too down on the movie though, let’s talk about what it does offer. It is a beautifully shot project that celebrates the beauty of the female form. That’s what Blake does best. I can certainly appreciate that part of what he does. It just isn’t always enough.

The opening sequence sets the tone of this movie and I think it tell us all we need to know. If you happen to be stroking your cock five minutes into the movie, then you should settle in for a nice long day. We get pretty girls, nurse uniforms, needles, lesbian sex, grainy footage and the odd sexual fantasies of a head wound patient. (Yeah, that’s where we’re headed with this one.)

Things are just freaky in this movie. There are long shots that focus on the beauty of the female form, but there also seem to be odd little fetish shots that probably resonate strongly with people who have these fetishes, but may make everyone else just shake their heads. There are some truly horrific shots involving the needle that seem to say a lot about the sacrifices women make to be beautiful. Wow, you that a movie is boring when I’m already searching for meaning in this random string of images.

In the middle of all the girl on girl action we do get a blowjob, but if you haven’t enjoyed the action yet, then the inclusion of a real dick isn’t going to make anything any better. Of course throwing in close up shots of a chick pissing pretty much shows that we’ve moved so far outside of the lines that we may never get back.

Adriana Sage adds some heat to the next round of veggie action, but so far this movie is about as lifeless as the doll they have tied up and swinging behind them. This whole movie feels like a collaborative wet dream shared by Davids Cronenberg, Lynch and Fincher. Blake even manages to make a scene between Rita Faltoyano and Jean Val Jean seems flat. That’s not easy to do, but cut away to a Real Doll in bondage with its pussy used as an ashtray will do it every time.

Upon second viewing, this movie sucks even more. It is still a beautiful looking project with some amazing shots. As a collection of still shots it might even be brilliant. The problem is that it isn’t a series of still shots. It is an adult film. That is where it fails to follow through. The sex is a mess. There is a collection of fetish clips that don’t flow well, fail to address anything strokeable and don’t work on any level. I kept asking Mrs. Rog if the movie was the sort of erotica that women could appreciate and she just kept saying “What the hell are they doing?” That isn’t a good sign. I used to really love Blake’s work, but I don’t think he has much interest in making sex movies any more. This movie should be nominated for cinematography awards, but beyond that it is a good example of pretty much everything that is wrong with this genre of porn. Is it possible that the real Andrew Blake, that guy who gave us Night Trips and House of Dreams, has been kidnapped and what are watching these days is the product of Blake-alt?