Nowhere Angels
MOVIE TYPE: Feature
94 Mins.
Cal Vista
www.MetroXXX.com
DIRECTOR: D Cypher
THEMES: Punk Rock Girls
CONDOMS: Some Noted
2007
1/06
STARS: Cassie Courtland, Justine Joli, Riley Mason, Charlotte Stokely, Leah Luv, Veronica Jett. Kittalli, Tanya Lee, Jessica Jeensalute, Kanika Sandberg, Louse Charlemange, Barrett Blade, Johnny Cobalt, Dominic, Eric Masterson & Barry Scott
Nowhere AngelsREVIEW-
So we have alt-porn and now we have punk porn? I thought that alt was supposed to bring a punk feel the business. This is a movie that come with a lot of pre-release hype. Metro has done a really good job of promoting everything D Cypher shoots. That can be a good thing because it isn’t easy to stand out in the sea of porn releases each month. On the other hand, when you finally get the attention, you damn well better have something special to bring to the table. What this movie brings is a very interesting script. There is a story at work here, or at least a skeleton of a story. It is mostly told by Justine Joli and revolves around her lesbian crush on Riley Mason, the overdose death of Barrett Blade and the utter futility that is life in white trash America. It’s poetic, but is it punk rock?
Riley Mason & Barrett Blade
Though our heroine is obsessed with Riley, she needs a little dick in her diet. She does a decent job bobbing her head up and down and making all those annoying porno blowjob sounds. Barrett returns the favor and the energy level so far is about as dim as the lighting. They start fucking. There is nothing wrong here, but there isn’t any spark either. It’s a disposable sex scene that is most notable for the fact that the camera guy isn’t fucking things up. Barrett leaves his load on her face and though I like Riley quite a bit, this scene is instantly forgettable.
Leah Luv
The interesting part of the movie is the dialog so listen carefully as you wait for the next scene. Leah is a party girl who just wants to drink and suck cock. Luckily for her, there is a bottle of a Jack and just enough Cialis to make for a Merry Christmas. The action this time is a little better and Leah shows a bit more life than Riley did. Am I the only one really bothered by the horribly uneven heart shaved in her pubes? It’s a cute idea, but this thing looks lopsided and it’s distracting. Leah looks good riding though and even better looking over her shoulder as she gets plowed from behind. He blows a nut all over her face and she sucks out the last few drops.
Veronica Jett & Eric Masterson
After following Eric through his disillusioning transformation from youthful writer to white trash dad, it is hard to get too excited about his romp by the pool with Veronica. I guess when your dreams are shattered and your life is hell, the best you can hope for is some sunshine and a decent blowjob. This is another mostly forgettable sex scene that at least doesn’t suffer from low light. With people walking around the pool, Eric has no trouble dropping the hammer on Veronica. Maybe that pussy is better than all the literary praise he was hoping for.
Cassie Courtland and Charlotte Stokely plus two guys
We are closing in on the end of the movie, but everyone is still fucking like crazy. The girls warm up on each other and then break off to start sucking dick. The action here is pretty good, but that dude’s monster Mohawk is a bit of a distraction. I like both of these girls a lot, but they are really low energy in this scene. I think that is supposed to set the tone, but we’ve seen Cassie and Charlotte look and fuck better in other projects. The guys feed them cum, but this is another forgettable scene.
Justine Joli & Riley Mason
Justine finally gets into the action, fucking her dream girl in the same dreary little room where Riley fucked Barrett. She seems just as interested and interesting in this scene as she did in the opener. The girls look good, especially Justine when she kneels and sticks her ass towards the ceiling. They look good bumping pussies, but we have to really reach to find something remotely exciting about this final match up.
I found myself really enjoying the quirky dialog segments of this movie. There isn’t much of a story here. It’s more a concept thing. The problem is that the sex seems to have very little to do with the story. I know that we live in an age where most porn is just random sex anyway, but this is supposed to be something different. Even the disconnected feel to the sex would be OK if they were blistering. The way the script played out, it reminded me of some of the old stuff Tom Zupko did at Extreme. It had that cool, poetic vibe to it. The difference is that when Zupko was making “The Abyss” and “In the Days of Whore” he brought us brilliant sex to go along with the heady dialog. This movie doesn’t deliver on that level. More than half of the scenes are utterly forgettable. They aren’t bad sex scenes, they just sort of come and go with nothing to make them stand out. With women like Riley Mason, Charlotte Stokely and Leah Luv, we certainly were expecting more from a sexual standpoint. It wouldn’t be totally fair to lump this effort in with the worst of the alt-genre, but it has that same flat sense of sexuality that is as boring as the script is interesting. There is a lot here to like, but in the end, these angels end up taking us absolutely nowhere.
