L.A. Vice

MOVIE TYPE: Feature

116 Mins.

Sex Z Pictures

DIRECTOR: Kurt Lockwood

THEMES:

CONDOMS:

2007

2/06

STARS: Kurt Lockwood, Tee Reel, Samantha Ryan, Marie Luv, Nyomi Marcella, Jenna Haze, Nina Hartley, Annie Cruz and Ron Jeremy

REVIEW-

When I first read that director/star Kurt Lockwood had sent an angry tirade to another critic over a review of this movie, my desire to watch it fell to virtually zero. Any time someone lashes out like that it makes me feel like he or she just isn’t really open to hearing what people really think. Fast forward a month or so and Kurt has already gone after another journalist for calling him names. I had pretty much given up on even trying this movie. Then I was moving some other DVDs and this one fell out onto the floor. Someone is trying to tell me something. I’m supposed to watch it for some reason. It’s a rather big movie and brings with it plenty of stumbling blocks. I’m a sucker for a good feature so I’m more than willing to give Lockwood plenty of slack.

Orgy

Lockwood and Reel show up at Tyler Knight’s place with Marie and Nyomi. We gut away to Ron Jeremy giving the order to “wipe them all out” and then it’s on to the sex. Marie is already being DP’d when we join the action so it’s a bit abrupt. It is never a bad thing with Marie is being filled with dick. She takes them easily and adds a lot of hot talk to the mix. Right in the middle we have some technical issues. The lighting shifts and the picture is dull and gray for a while. (There is a boom in the shot as well.) Kurt plays around with Nyomi’s ass for a while, but sticks with the pussy. Marie’s mouth get filled by Tee and Tyler while Kurt blasts Nyomi’s cheek with a good load. What a great party.

Tommy Gunn and Christian show up to 86 Tee. I started to wonder if the Wayans Brothers stopped by to direct. It feels like a parody of Men in Black, Pulp Fiction and T2. There is also a really interesting editing choice. We cut quickly between some pounding music and something softer when we cut inside to the girls kissing and Tee cleaning up in the bathroom. I want to applaud the effort, but it comes across choppy and unnecessarily amateurish instead of cool. At any rate, the hit fails. Christian and Tommy put Tyler on ice and never check the bathroom for their target.

Samantha Ryan & Kurt Lockwood

Back at home, Kurt still has enough in the tank to give it to his girl. Pretty Samantha makes short work of his cock. It disappears in her hand and she tongues the head to get him wet. It slips easily into her pussy as she reaches around to play with her ass. They seem to be in a big hurry to get to the anal. No worries though. There is nothing wrong with watching this beautiful leggy blonde with a cock between her cheeks. This is great eye candy and closes with a nice facial. Things go from sexy to dark pretty quickly though. There is some heavy back story between these two. Things aren’t pretty, but Samantha comes looking pretty good as an actress.

Nina Hartley & Tee Reel

After chewing out her two trouble making detectives, Captain Hartley gets banged in her office. I don’t know what’s wrong here, but the lighting is way off. Everything looks orange. In this light, Nina looks an awful lot like Kathy Griffin’s mother. Using all of her experience, Nina works his cock to the back of her throat and then lovingly bathes it with her tongue. They cut awkwardly to sex on the desk. This is a pretty uninspired performance from the Hall of Famer and even the facial just feels tired.

Samantha & Jenna Haze

As Kurt tries to win his ex back, her current lover is offering her something that he can’t, a hot pussy to lick. It might not be very nice of Jenna to try and keep the once-happy family apart, but it sets up a hot looking lesbian scene in the shower. Jenna loves pussy and it sure looks like Samantha shares her passion for the vag. They stay mostly out of the spray, munching on each other and giving us some of the most purely strokeable action of the movie.

Sandra Romain and Harmony & Kurt

After a lot of dialog and a trip through an all-black club run by an Asian pimp (Annie Cruz), Kurt gets dragged into a room and fucked by two of the dancer/whores. The lighting isn’t great here and the girls are over-doing the faux-gag thing. (That’s Sandra’s style though.) There is some frantic action for those who like it rough, but the camera is all over the place. It’s more than a little bit distracting and it hurts all the anal play. Those who like a lot of intense ass work will love this. Kurt gets his butt reamed hard by the girls and then Sandra ends up in between Kurt and a strap on for some intense DP. There is some good energy here, but the lighting and camera work could be a lot better. Any time the technical issues take away from the intensity, we have a problem.

Nicki Hunter and Trina Michaels & Tommy Gunn Talon

After losing his partner, Kurt is on the warpath. Across town, RJ’s playthings are busy with his hired guns. The camera is all over the place again, but this time all that we are missing is a lot of fake gagging, overwrought screams and some hard pounding ass fucking. Nicki gets pinned in between two guys and double stuffed.

Ron shows up and starts shooting some pictures. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to break into the middle of any sex scene like this. Instead of focusing on the action, we have Ron doing dialog and snapping shots. Is he playing it for laughs? It’s hard to tell and irrelevant. Breaking into a scene is bad and when it’s your finale, it really shows how far off course the movie has drifted.

The story comes to a close with an odd mix of slapstick silliness, melodramatic revenge and a healthy dose of artistic ego feeding.

Even with all that slack I said I was going to give Lockwood, this is a mess. I honestly don’t think they knew what kind of movie they wanted to make. It goes from slick, Miami Vice style cop drama to slapstick comedy. There is a barrage of music that sometimes hits the mark perfectly and then drifts into a distracting din. There is a story here and with some work, it could have been a good one. Instead it feels half finished. OK, so Kurt has a drug problem. Tee has a drug problem. Chief Hartley is corrupt and RJ want them dead. Are we supposed to feel for Lockwood? Are we supposed to laugh at Annie as a pimp? Are we supposed to think that Ron is a truly bad guy? The script just needs some work. Chop it down, focus on the really good stuff and we might be looking at the start of a franchise. The acting is spotty. Samantha is pretty damn good and Annie is very funny. Kurt and Tee can’t seem to decide if they are playing it straight, for laughs or if they are just stringing colloquiums together instead of talking. The editing is equally schizophrenic. At times it seems like the editors are trying to show off and that really hurts the pace. It is especially bothersome during the sex scenes. The transitions aren’t well captured and none of the scenes have the sort of rhythm that they should. When the editing is messing things up, the unsteady camera movements seem to the flow. On the plus side, we do get some good energy. Samantha is very good in both of her scenes. Jenna adds some heat and Marie Luv is great as always. Any time the camera and lighting get in the way of the sex though, we’re in trouble. There is definitely some potential here, but overall this is too inconsistent to be much good as a feature or as stroke material.