Soccer Moms

MOVIE TYPE: All Sex

97 Mins,.

VCA

www.VCAPictures.com

DIRECTOR: Rob Spallone

THEMES: Old Women

CONDOMS: None

2007

4/07

STARS: Phyllisha Anne, Dana Hayes, XXXEna, Crystal Alexis, Mae Victoria, Drehyden, Donny Long, Brad Hardy, Nick Manning, Marty Romano & Alex Sanders

REVIEW-

I threw this movie into the DVD player because I love the title. Yep, I love soccer moms. I’ve loved soccer moms since long before this wave of MILF titles flooded the porn market. Since I only one woman in the cast, I realize that it’s a dicey proposition. Phyllisha Anne is a rather reliable performer, but with so many hot MILFs making the rounds, I have to wonder why none of them are in this movie. Maybe Rob Spallone found a whole new batch of hot older ladies. Then again, maybe these are the hold over from that disastrous old folks gang bang movie. Hopefully the women are more attractive than soccer balls and the action is more exciting than soccer itself.

Mae Victoria & Nick Manning

Coach Nick is trying to explain to Mae that her son is acting like a “real retard.” The fact that he can’t get his dialog out without chuckling should tell you something, but at least we don’t have to suffer through it for very long. Nick and the rather hot mom decide that the best thing for her kid is to have mom fuck the soccer coach. (Hey, it is far from the most absurd premise we’ve seen in porn recently.) Nick slides down, works a few fingers into her pussy and then tongues her clit for a long time. Mae isn’t tough on the eyes (Especially compared to the other women in this movie) and she seems to enjoy what Nick is doing. When she returns the favor, the quiet scene is ruined by Nick’s unique form of porno- Tourettes. This time around his growling classic “face fuck yourself” takes home the award for the best (and simultaneously worst) Conan on roids moment. If you simply mute him the there is a decent blowjob here. The camera is probably too close fits own good, but it looks a lot better than it sound. When she gets on top. Mae rides the dick and even drowns Nick out for a while. This will not speak well of the heat level, but I have to say it. What is up with that tiny heart tattoo nearly in the crack of Mae’s ass? I thought that ink was like real estate. Location, location, location. And while we’re at it. What is that freaky infected wound on Nick’s leg? A spider bite? A severely ingrown hair? Yikes. Just to really make sure we have fun, Mae stops the decent reverse cowgirl to “drip” onto Nick’s dick. They go for an even wetter shot that takes up so much time and attention that whatever momentum the scene had is lost. They kind of get it back during the doggy. Even then, the camera doesn’t seem to ever be in the right spot. Nick grabs her by the hair and holds her head in place while he screams out his catch phrase and leaves this mom pretending to be a lot more satisfied than anyone in the audience.

Crystal Alexis & Brad Hardy

Brad returns a soccer ball to Crystal. I don’t know how old this woman is, but she looks pretty long in the tooth and he doesn’t seem all that thrilled about having her down in his lap. Nothing like unattractive performers who look bored to really bring a scene to a screeching halt. Compared to this guy, Nick is has a big cock. He’s also got as much personality as Crystals hairdo. Why on earth are we sitting through this. It isn’t good porn. It’s not even good for people who like the older woman thing. Is it? Seriously. She looks bored, isn’t exactly providing eye candy and the camera can’t seem to decide what should be in the shot. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, she gets into reverse cowgirl. Yeah now the camera gets the shot right. When we don’t want to see the action. Yikes. Don’t worry though, they go back to a side boob shoot, a head and shoulders and some other angles that can be generously described as “interesting” choices. They put her in piledriver and finally finish with a shot on her mouth. This just isn’t a good scene from aspect and I can’t imagine anyone enjoying it.

Xxxena & Donny Long

Xxxen’s son pays for a Donny to give his mom some young cock. If you think that’s gross, just check out this scene. Xxxena looks even older than the last woman and certainly isn’t made up in a way that is even remotely flattering. She closes her eyes and sucks on Donny’s cock like she is the one being poorly paid to provide sexual satisfaction. If I were remotely interested in seeing the action I would be pissed at how horribly shot the sex is. Since I’m hoping for a quick end, I don’t mind so much. Naturally they do manage to focus in on her anus which actually appears to be at least partially prolapsed. Couldn’t someone have pushed that back in before starting the scene? I really don’t want to be mean and this movie leaves me with little good to say. I can’t even praise their energy though because both performers look bored as can be. I guess if you really like facial shots and have a paper party hat fetish you might find some reason to stroke to this. Otherwise, give it a pass.

Dana Hayes & Drehyden

Dre wants to be a soccer ref and Dana is the key to getting the job. She is in a black and white striped shirt and little else. Dana looks like she could be in a soccer grandma movie and is a little on the chubby side. Let’s just focus on the good parts OK? She has big boobs and a smooth shaved pussy. There is some well shot finger fuck action. Dana uses her hands pretty well and there is a spark of energy in this scene. That about covers it folks. Oh yeah, she licks his ass. That I have to wonder if a close up shot of hairy man ass is a step up or down on the eye candy scale should probably make the overall appeal of this scene painfully obvious. Dana takes his load on her face and rubs the cum in like it tastes like candy.

Phyllisha Anne & Alex Sanders

These battling neighbors hurl insults at each other for a moments before getting it on. Alex thinks her kids are too loud and Phyllisha thinks he just needs a good blowjob to make him relax. She is apparently just the woman to deliver it. Taking him easily to the root, the experienced soccer mom doesn’t even have to gag. Last I heard these two were a couple and they certainly have a connection. For the first time in the movie, there is energy to a scene. Now the camera deficiencies are more noticeable because it is actually fun watching her suck cock. We get good eye candy during reverse cowgirl and serious heat. Not content with just the mouth and pussy. Alex bends his neighbor over and fucks her right in the ass. Right in the middle of the action, her husband comes home and kicks Alex out. They pick it up the next day over Alex’s place. It is odd to break the rhythm like this, but at least the best scene of the movie is the one we spend the most time on. This time around he licks her pussy and ass until she’s ready to scream. After a few minutes of vag is right back in that ass where she wants him. The dirty talk is pretty good though sometimes hard to hear. They finish up with a shot in her face. Phyllisha lets it run down her chin, licking up the last few drops. Everyone should have a neighbor like this.

The bonus material consists of a BTS, some trailers and the usual stuff. However the DVD does come with a four hour bonus disc called Butt Slut Beauties. This compilation is a hundred times hotter than the actual feature and brings us action from Nina Hartley, Stacy Valentine, Shyla LaVeaux and the always awesome Alex Dane. Personally this Alex scene is worth the price of the DVD for me so if you pick it up, enjoy this hot scene.

OK, this is just really bad. Phyllisha is by far the best looking woman in the case and only one other (Mae) is remotely worth watching. They try for little reality/niche porn set ups, but those don’t really add much to the action. Maybe they would have been sexy if the scenes were worth watching. Phyllisha and Alex did a nice scene at the end with a lot of anal
action and the added fun of a dirty, cheating wife. Mae is rather attractive, but I have a hard time watching any scene when Nick Manning is in full Manning mode. It’s just ridiculous. Mute this one if you want to enjoy it. The rest of the action is just worthless. The women aren’t attractive, the sex is flat and boring and I honestly can’t imagine anyone enjoying any of it. The bonus disc is a hundred times more strokeable than the main feature. That’s never a good sign. (But it does make the bonus disc a nice extra.)