Nappy Headed Ho’s

MOVIE TYPE: Compilation

126 Mins.

Kick Ass Pictures

www.KickAss.com

DIRECTOR: Compilation

THEMES: Black Women

CONDOMS: None

2007

4/07

STARS: Fetish, Charlene, Nadia and others.

REVIEW-

Didn’t we all just know that this movie was coming? As soon as the Don Imus on line fuck up became national news you could almost hear a clock ticking in Porn Valley. T-minus six weeks until the release of a movie called Nappy Headed Ho’s. Well it’s T time folks. Kick Ass wins the race to get the NHH movie to market first. It is kind of a cheat in that regard because it is actually a compilation of scenes from other Kick Ass lines. It features black women from a number of their different lines. Not of all of them are even remotely nappy headed so we can write the title off as just clever (and perhaps offensive) marketing. If you haven’t seen some of the ethnic lines that Kick Ass done then this might be a good time to go ahead and get them all in one shot.

Fetish (Gina) & Countree Pipes

According to the text intro, the guys found Fetish by the pool and offered her a hundred bucks to be in a music video. It doesn’t take very much convincing to get her to suck some dick. Sucking it well is a different story. Actually her oral skills aren’t as bad as the camera work during the early going. If the camera would just stay still we might be able to enjoy this girl as she swallows sword. They move to doggy with similar technical problems and moderate sexual energy. Eventually that energy changes as the strokes get harder and this leggy girl loses herself in a pretty solid fuck. There are some nice leg shots during the spoon, but then the camera gets lost for a while. What the hell are they shooting? By the time she gets into reverse cowgirl, Fetish looks like she is intent on riding that thing until she gets off for real. By the time he shoots on her face, the charm has worn thin though. There is probably ten really good minutes of footage during this twenty six minute scene.

Dayzjha-Nay & Steven St. Croix

This tiny-titted girl has her hair done in multiple braids and a tiny little butt. She also has lighter skin than Steven. She is listed as black/white/Mexican in the star bios so who knows. Steven is digging around her pussy, but the shots are so awkward that they just don’t look right. She sucks dick like she’s afraid of it and the footage of them fucking looks like had to kind of patch it together from not enough quality action. There is just no energy here. Steven pumps away and she takes it like she could be doing her nails or something. I’m shocked this scene made it into any movie. The only time she even smiles is when overshoots her face with his load.

Charlene & Carlton Banks

This is from Kick Ass‘ Jelly line so at least we know that this should hit the core audience pretty hard. She has the kind of ass that Carlton just has to lick. He turns her around and goes digging around in the bush for a while as well. Charlene isn’t bad looking and easily handles his meat with her mouth. She doesn’t ever open her eyes though and after a while that gets a little dull. Even though her energy level seems pretty good, zero eye contact with the camera and her co-star just cools things off. Things don’t get better in this regard when he starts fucking her. The body shots are nice and she may be enjoying herself. That doesn’t translate well to the camera though. Carlton mounts her from behind and pumps away from what feels like forever. He rolls her over and pumps away until he is ready to jerk off. Charlene actually holds her tongue out and takes a big load on her face. Bad framing by the camera guy, but she almost shows some energy there at the end.

Nadia & Alec Metro

This looks to be a Barefoot Confidential scene. Nadia tells the story of her rainbow socks. She’s a cute little English girl with an unusual hair style. Alec is the right guy to help bring out the foot freak in this light skinned cutie. He explains the finer points of foot play and then shoves his face into her tennis shoe. They discuss it for a while longer and then he licks her feet for a long time. Follow that up with some foot fucking and mutual masturbation and you end up with cum all over Nadia’s feet. This is a great foot fetish scene, but everyone else may be dozing off right about now.

Karma Storm & Tone Capone

This must be from Jelly because Karma has the hair to match this title and the ass to keep all the brothas (of all colors) happy. Tone Capone lays down the talk as he tries to get to know this girl. (Drinking game: Take a shot every time Tone says “yaknowwhutimsayin” Careful though, you may be drunk before her ass even makes it into the shot.) He finally shuts up when she shoves a nipple into his mouth. The camera seems steadier in this scene, but it also spends a lot of time right up next to his cheek as he eats pussy. When she turns the tables and starts sucking, the camera is down low so we get that lovely shot of her chin and his balls. (Dude, who the fuck likes that shot? Anyone?) The doggy is rather uninteresting, but she moves her hips well in cowgirl. The energy level just isn’t high enough to keep us interested. Karma opens wide for the cumshot, but she barely seems awake by the end.

Lea DeMae & Jay Ashley

Nappy headed? OK. This must be a Grrl Power scene. She’s a starlet who got caught on tape doing something bad. Just a little bit of grrl power and she is on her way to getting it back. This pretty blonde gives a decent blowjob, but really makes things fun when says, in her thick accent, “Fuck me like a dog, in my ass.” Jay is only too happy to take care of that for her. Lea is by far the best looking girl in this movie and she takes it up the ass like a champ. She also has the overall energy that virtually every other chick in the movie is missing. Jay pulls out of her ass and sprays her face. The tape is back in Lea’s hand. That’s how you get out of trouble young Hollywood starlets. Remember that.

Eve Mayfair & John E. Depth

I suppose this girl is happy-headed, but how is that a bad thing? She’s a pretty cute girl who has a natural look to her face and body. Luckily for us she is happy to suck an unnaturally large cock with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. I wish the camera were in a better position, but I love the way she power strokes that dick towards her lips. Her energy stays pretty high as he fucks her. In fact she seems to be having fun until they go to doggy. All of a sudden she looks to be in a bit of pain, but muscles through for a pretty good scene. She pulls out of her pained look in time to ask him to cum in her mouth and then gets down to take the shot on her chin. I rather like this girl and it is nice to see the DVD end on a high note.

I guess this works as a compilation movie, but it’s kind of odd. This is not a collection of the best women of color Kick Ass has shot. In some ways it almost feels like the opposite. Are they going for women who might fit the visual most of us get when we hear the title of this movie? Maybe not the hair specifically but the overall look of a “nappy headed h
o”? Hell I don’t know. There are a few scenes that work, but most of them star women who aren’t all that hot having sex that is about as exciting as reading the obituaries. Perhaps this movie is the sort of joke porn that you pick up to watch at a bachelor party or something. I just know that the ethnic lines from Kick Ass are a lot better than this comp would indicate. My suggestion is that we should all buy a copy and then send them to Al Sharpton. He deserves porn like this.