Private: My Sex Space
MOVIE TYPE: Feature
100 Mins.
Private
www.Private.com
DIRECTOR: X-Off
THEMES: Alt, Pretty Girls
CONDOMS: None Noted
2008
1/08
STARS: Boroka Balls, Black Angelika, Lucy Belle, Regina Ice, Trisha Brill
Private: My Sex SpaceREVIEW-
Private goes alt? Could it really be true? This movie is set up as a real life blog come to life, but the cast looks straight out of Vivid-alt central casting. Well, some of them do. Some of the girls are your usual Private hotties. The rest of the movie though is about as un-Private as anything you could make. It’s a mess. Seriously, a complete and utter mess from start to finish. The basic concept is sort of interesting. It’s supposed to be a film based on an existing sex blog. (Reminds me a lot of the Dana DeArmond thing.) But beyond that, there is virtually nothing to recommend. Like that very worst of alt-porn, this movie is pretentious, hard to watch and boring as fuck. (Without the cool music that usually accompanies and alt-disaster.) The camerawork is unsteady, amateurish and annoying. It looks like it was edited by a computer program that just randomly chops clips together. Worst of all, this movie ignores the thing that has Private great, the sex. There may be good sex scenes here, we just can’t tell with all the bullshit they put on around it. I don’t know what else to say. As much as I love Private, this is just a mess. I can’t imagine anyone really enjoying it, especially fans who have come to expect great looking girls, hot sex and quality movies over the years.
Ummmmm
Yeah, fifteen minutes of total mess open the movie. There is some attempt to set up a story, a lot of backwards footage and basically nothing that your typical Private fan would find remotely interesting. By the time we finally get to a sex scene, the camera can’t seem to figure out where it wants to be. There are two hot girls getting fucked, but the camerawork is dreadful. No matter how hot these girls are, they can’t overcome the choppy editing. This isn’t Private and it isn’t good porn.
Next up is a cute blonde getting it on with a much older guy who seems to be having fun. The color here is on overload. It looks like a construction paper factory blew up all over the place. The camerawork isn’t really any better this time around so we are still fighting an uphill battle. Whatever good there might be here is gone when we cut away to more footage of girls acting like brain dead hipster poets. Who green-lighted this fucking mess?
I’m starting to wonder if maybe this isn’t a movie mocking the whole alt-trend. That is really the only explanation that makes sense. It is a pretentious mess that makes absolutely no sense. The camerawork is dreadful and the editing is even worse. What makes it worse is the fact that the girls are so fucking cute. I want to see them fuck. I want to like this movie, but there is nothing here to enjoy.
You could probably find a handful a hot video clips or a few good photo galleries out of this movie. It has some hot chicks and even some interesting sexual pairings. What it doesn’t have is anything that Private fans would expect to see. No matter how hot the girls are, their sex scenes won’t matter much if the camera can’t stop and the editor chops the shit out of the footage. The hot chick sucking a big dick on the hood of a car is only good for as long as the shot stays steady. I don’t know what they were trying to do with this movie, but it fails miserably as a piece of pornography.
