Smokin’ Hot Blondes Volume 1
Smokin’ Hot Blondes Volume 1
MOVIE TYPE: Gonzo
113 Mins.
Iron Cross
DIRECTOR: Spyder Jonez
THEMES: Blonde chicks
CONDOMS: None
2008
STARS: Teagan Presley, Lexi Belle, Madison Scott, Britney Amber, Jade Jolie
Reviewed by: Doghouse Reilly
REVIEW-
Smokin’ Hot Blondes Volume 1 is the first movie I’ve seen directed (and starred in) by Spyder Jonez, the porn alter ego of Evan Seinfeld, who used to be in Biohazard and is married to Tera Patrick. His website is www.Rockstarpimp.com, which is made very apparent throughout the movie. It’s a pretty basic premise: Spyder fucks blondes, some of them smokin’ hot, and a couple of them decidedly not. The movie starts out strong and fizzles out from there.
To start out, we’re treated to the very lovely Teagan Presley, who morphed from a teen when she started out, to a somewhat chubby ass whore, to her current incarnation, extremely hot, tight-bodied ass whore. After showing her body for Spyder she chokes herself on his salami of a dick. Choking continues to be a theme of the scene, with Spyder clutching her neck at various points. Teagan keeps a red bra on the entire time because she just had her tits done, and I assume they’re a little sore. Spyder defiles her lovely body in a bunch of positions before coating her face with a messy cumshot. Unfortunately, there’s no anal. But a very good scene nonetheless.
Next up is the equally hot Britney Amber wearing a pink bra and panties. She works at the bunny ranch and has a preference for anal sex. Don’t get too excited though, because she doesn’t take it up the ass in this scene. She teases Spyder with her shorn pussy before inhaling his log. He slips his dick between her gorgeous fake tits and then fingers her asshole a little. The action gets started when Britney climbs up and impales herself in the reverse cowgirl position. She works up quite a sweat while taking a pounding in a couple positions before taking a juicy load on her face. Another very nice scene.v
The tiny and innocent-looking Lexi Belle stars in the next scene. She shows off her body, complete with perky B-cups, in polka dot lingerie before giving a slobbery blowjob to our Jewish leading man. It seems he may split her tiny frame with his thrusts, but she takes it like the pro she is and even grinds him deeper inside in the cowgirl position. The movie ends with another facial, but this missile almost blinds her, dirtying her hair at the same time. I felt a little embarrassed for her when she messed up the website name with cum dripping down her face. Good energy again in this one.
With the budget used up on the first three very talented ladies, we move on to the two ladies to finish things up. Madison Scott, a 19-year-old who barely looks even that old, is in the fourth scene. She has very tiny tits, barely A-cups. Spyder says that something seems very wrong about this, and I have to agree. Her inexperience shows throughout, and you get the impression that she hasn’t had a whole lot of sex. She also depends very heavily on telling the camera how much fun she has, but the tactic doesn’t cover up the fact that she seems a little uncomfortable. To close things out, she two-hand strokes him until he plasters her face. The scene was awkward and not very good.
The last scene is the worst by far, although I’d be willing to bet that it closely approximates many of Biohazard’s after show experiences. Jade Jolie is the kind of blonde that comes in a bottle, and she has stuffed her somewhat sloppy body in a hot pink fishnet outfit. She sucks cock like a girl of her stature should ” that is to say, very well ” but it can’t save the scene. At one point, Spyder actually loses his erection, which can’t be good for a female pornstar’s self esteem. He barely manages to squeeze out a cumshot for her to close out the movie.
For extras, you get 14 trailers from Iron Cross and Teravision, a photo gallery, and links to various websites.
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Although the movie started out promising enough, it was hampered by somewhat poor editing with quick and awkward cuts between position changes. It’s worth a rental for the first three scenes, but don’t even bother with the last two.
