Hustler’s Untrue Stories: Jessica Simpson
Hustler’s Untrue Stories: Jessica SimpsonMOVIE TYPE: Parody
114 Mins
Hustler
DIRECTOR: Stuart Canterbury
THEMES: Celebrity Sex, Comedy
2009
STARS: Jessica Lynn, Gracie Glam, Kiera King, Melissa Jacobs, Rachel Roxx, Johnny Castle, Scott Styles, Joey Brass & Rocco Reed
REVIEW-
I did another of these movies not long ago. It was a decent effort about Lindsay Lohan. This one focuses on Jessica Simpson. Look, there is some good material here for a sexy spoof. Jessica has dated high profile guys, had the virginity thing, a crazy dad, an “in the shadows” little sis and a relationship with an NFL quarterback. She also had the Daisy Duke shorts and her dreadful performance in “Dukes of Hazard” that are just begging for parody treatment. Some of that stuff is at play here, but not enough to really make it interesting. Jessica Lynn is easy on the eyes and spouts some ditzy dialog, but she makes no effort to really do much to give us a Jessica vibe. The sex scenes are competent, but dull and are easily forgotten. I just finished this movie and had to go back over each scene just to remember exactly what we saw. Jessica‘s opening scene with her celeb hubby Nick is OK, but only because she is easy on the eyes. Kiera King gives a pretty good scene as little sister, but the lesbian scene between Jessica and some unknown chick is just boring. There is a good movie to be made here, but this isn’t it.
Apparently Jessica spends her time looking at Hustler magazines and fingering her pussy. OK, kind of a lazy way to start but it gets a decent little solo scene.
Jess and Johnny didn’t fuck before marriage unless you count anal sex. She confuses chicken and tuna and eventually he just goes down on her. The picture quality isn’t very good, but she seems to like what his tongue is doing on her pussy. She gives a pretty good blowjob here and then mounts up to ride his dick. This is a pretty average sex scene without a whole lot of celebrity fantasy appeal. Jessica shows off her long legs and big tits, occasionally calls him “Nick” but this is basically an average sex scene with below average lighting. By the time he pulls out and shoots on her pussy I have been bored for a long time.
Gracie Glam & Scott Styles
Jessica‘s dad is played by Scott. He calls in a would-be starlet for a special audition for his daughter’s new music video. You can guess the rest. Without much fanfare Gracie drops to her knees and starts sucking. This is another mostly forgettable scene that really never goes anywhere special. The blowjob is OK and then he bends her over to fuck her from behind. The lighting is poor again and that kind of works against a scene with decent energy and a pretty cute chick. This isn’t a bad scene it’s just kind of average and as such isn’t something you will remember two minutes after it’s done. Scott pulls out and shoots on her face. I’m sure she got the part, but do we really care?
Kiera King
What would a Jessica movie be without an appearance from her bratty kid sister? Ashley meets a fan in a burger joint and agrees to fuck him along with giving him an autograph. Good deal I suppose. OK, is there any real fantasy value to Ashley Simpson sucking cock in a burger joint? (Some I guess) It’s just another example of a very uninspired set up followed by a slightly better than we have seen thus far energy. I like the way she gives head and then the cowgirl is great because she bounces so hard. I really like the way she rides cock in this scene. With better lighting and energy this is the highlight of the movie so far. It looses steam a bit near the end, but she takes the cum on her face and in her mouth to close things out nicely.
Jessica Lynn & Melissa Jacobs
Jess and Melissa take the stage in boots and denim shorts. I suppose there is some tie in to Jessica’s Dukes of Hazard role, but why are they stripping? They finish stripping and fuck each other on the bar. Nothing wrong with a little lesbian sex, but this is another uninspired effort. Neither girl really seems all that interested in what is going on and that makes it hard to sit through. It’s just really a waste of time.
Rachel Roxx & Rocco Reed
Jessica‘s fling with a quarterback is touched on, but he’s busy fucking a busty brunette cheerleader in the locker room. She looks really cute and crawls onto the bench. There isn’t anything great about this scene, but the bar has been set so low that it somehow makes things seem better. The ass shots are nice as she rides his cock and her big tits bounce up and down beautifully. He bends her over for doggy and we get some really good body shots. This is probably a slightly better than average scene, but it stands out because of good lighting and a girl who looks like she enjoys getting fucked. He cums on her tits to put a cap on the action.
Bonus: BTS, Slide Show, Trailers
