Jersey Shore XXX: A Porn Parody

MOVIE TYPE: Parody

88 Mins

Taryn It Up/Adam & Eve

DIRECTOR: Jim Enright

THEMES: Big Hair

2009

STARS: Taryn Thomas, Angela Aspen, Dylan Ryder, Veronica Rayne, Johnny Castle, John Espiezdo, TJ Cummings & Memphis Blaze

REVIEW-

This is one of two Jersey Shore parodies on store shelves right now. Two? Really? I have only see an episode or two of Jersey Shore, so I’m not totally versed in the ways of these overly tanned, hair gel addicts, but I’m missing the sex appeal here. I suppose it could worth a good laugh, but big hair, bad make up and imbecilic behavior aren’t the things that make me reach for my lap when I’m watching TV. On the other hand Taryn Thomas always makes me reach for my lap so that’s a plus. Taryn shows up in three scenes in this movie and is the best reason to watch it. She’s got the big hair, the thick accent and the serious attitude. Taryn’s first boy/girl sets the tone and she finishes things off with a hot three-way featuring Veronica Rayne. Angela Aspen fills out of her bikini really well. In between the sex scenes we get confessional dialog that I think is supposed to be funny. I still don’t really see the sex appeal in the original show. A bunch of sub-moronic attention whores with horrible hair, worse fake tans and deplorable attitudes? Sure, let’s make a porn about those chuckleheads. Crazy idea or not, some of the performers really get into character. Some of them really seemed like self-indulgent tools. That’s great acting. Sexually the movie has some highlights, but it doesn’t connect enough with whatever “story” there might be to really make it a top-flight parody. Instead it’s more of a stroke flick with a bit of costume appeal and accents to fall back on. Watch it for Taryn Thomas who is back, as hot as ever and really plays her part perfectly. I couldn’t care less if I ever see Snookie or her vapid half-wit roommates every again, but I’ll watch anything Taryn has to offer. She’s makes this movie worth a look.

Dylan Ryder & Memphis Blake

So these two are going to hook up, but before they do we have to sit through some confessional dialog that is already giving me a headache. I wouldn’t say that it added much to the scene, but once the action starts this busty brunette knows how to shut herself up. She sucks him off and then throws her legs up in the air to let him bang her shaved box. The sex is rather sleepy and forgettable with a few eye candy shots along the way. She gets down on her knees and plays with her tits while her jerks off for far too long. Throw in a few references to Italian food and she is ready to get hosed down. Not a great start.

Taryn Thomas & Johnny Esposito

Taryn plays Snookie who is all about keeping her hair up, jerking off guys and electrolysis for her “hooha.” Yep folks, that does it for the pre-scene action. Once she gets her fist pumping on his dick we finally get something to perk up over. Sexy as ever Taryn knows how to run her tongue up and down on a cock and can take it pretty deep as well. Giving an energetic blowjob without letting her hair fall is pretty touch, but can she maintain that do while taking a pounding? She does a really good job in reverse cowgirl, but loves the taste of herself so much that she just hops off and puts it back in her mouth. They roll into spoon and she throws out a non-stop stream of dirty talk in character that is bound to have anyone who has ever jacked it to Snookie going nuts. Speaking of nuts, there is an awkward cut to a shot on Taryn‘s face. She’s worth watching and kind of funny too.

Veronica Rayne & Johnny Castle

Veronica has a boyfriend, but doesn’t slow her down at all. She goes back to the house with this dude under the paper thin auspices of getting some panties for a night on the town. He shows her how much fun things can be with no underwear in the way. Veronica can handle the dialog and easily handles the dick with her mouth. There isn’t anything really special about this scene. The lighting is kind of fucked up and everything looking orange. That’s all I really take away from it. Veronica is energetic and fucks in character. She doesn’t really fit the type though. No big teased hair and she looks quite a bit older than the rest of the cast. She’s a good performer though. Maybe they could have had her come in as a Guidette mom or something. The scene is decent, but nothing to write home about.

Taryn Thomas & Angela Aspen

What happens after a long night of partying? The horny girls wake up to more fun. Angela is already masturbating so her moans wake up Taryn. At first she’s pissed, but they make up with some slutty lesbian sex. At least these two seem to be having fun. Taryn goes after that pussy and Angela licks her back like she is indebted to her roommate for such good loving. Nice finger play and some good close up shots of the action.

Angela Aspen & TJ Cummings

Angela hasn’t has enough dick on the Sho
re so she’s ready to fuck regardless of her man back home. She comes out in a bikini with that big ass hanging out and TJ knows he’s about to hit that. After giving her tits a cursory lick, he sides down to her pussy and finds it creamy enough for his fingers. This girl can really suck a dick and seems intent on letting him power fuck the back of her throat. Using his hands to help her, she gets it down. That earns her a ride on his cock and she goes off on it like she’s having a blast. Good butt shots here and she’s ready with her mouth once again to suck that thing deep. For a while her dirty talk adds some fun to the scene, but she kind of fades a bit. They close out with a hot shot in her mouth though. This is one of the better fucks in the movie.

Taryn Thomas, Veronica Rayne & Johnny Esposito

Veronica and Taryn start in the bar and end up taking their girl on girl fun home. The lighting is better in this scene and that helps a lot. Johnny walks in and gets to watch and Veronica makes Taryn squeal. They invite him over and start sharing his cock. Taryn does a good job getting the dick ready and then rubs her own snookie while Veronica is bent over getting fucked. Switching pussies Johnny fucks Taryn hard enough make her perky tits shake and quake. Both women stay in character and provide plenty of Jersey Shore accent appeal if that’s what floats your boat. There is another really strange cut to the girls sharing a load that makes me wonder if they had to fake this pop. Good Scene thanks again to Taryn, but not quite the home run finale we might have hoped for.

Bonus: Photo Gallery