This Ain’t Conan XXX (Blu-Ray 3D)
www.Hustler.com
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
85 Mins
Hustler
THEMES: Porn Parody, Buff Dudes, Big Cocks, Warriors, Outdoor Sex, 3D Porn
2011
DIRECTOR: Stuart Canterbury
CONDOMS: None
STARS: Lee Stone, Tommy Gunn, Jazy Berlin, Sean Michaels, Missy Maze, Jayden Cole, Asphyxia Noir, Brandy Aniston
REVIEW-
I’m starting to wonder who has done more parody acting, Lisa Ann as Sarah Palin or Lee Stone as Arnold. He is perfectly cast in this movie. The muscle bound warrior gets into adventures that should probably stretch over three hours. Sadly they are crammed into eighty minutes here. I’m not sure why, but the story is just choppy. Sometimes it’s funny. They seem to have intentionally cut out some big battles scenes. I can appreciate that kind of fun. There are other times when it just seems like they threw too much into the pot. Since most people probably aren’t looking at this strictly for the story lets deal with the other two elements. The 3D is pretty good. I watched the 2D first and forgot it was also shot in 3D. There are some shots that make a lot more sense in 3D. Any time you get swords swinging out of the screen, it’s pretty fun. Sexually this movie is all right. The cast isn’t filled with big names, but they are all fairly good looking. Brandy Aniston gives us a really good outdoor scene. Missy Maze and Sean Michaels are smoking hot in the finale. Sexually, the scenes could be longer and stronger, but they are decent enough to keep things flowing in this high-action parody. This could be the start of a franchise and that could be really interesting.
When a slave (Jayden Cole) is brought in to breed with Conan, he hardly even notices. She needs to get his attention and attempts to do this by rubbing her little pussy. Conan just keeps swinging his sword while the pretty girl spreads her legs and finger fucks herself silly. You might think that this would get the job done, but it only ends up making the slave girl hornier and does nothing to help her breed.
Asphyxia Noir & Lee Stone
Set free and wandering, Conan ends up at the home of Asphyxia Noir. She lets him in and offer him a place to stay. In return he offers her a taste of his big cock. She sucks it, but we don’t get a great view for some reason. The camera is better position when he is eating her ass or fucking her hard from behind. Give Lee some style points as she stays in character well and certainly looks the part. He grunts and pumps her hard until he explodes all over her well trimmed bush. Asphyxia turns into a demon woman, tries to kill Conan and vanishes into a ball of fire. (Nice 3D moment here.)
Brandy Aniston & Tommy Gunn
Picking up a friend (Tommy Gunn) along the way, Conan goes in search of vengeance. Tommy is also on a quest, but stops to enjoy a merchant’s wife played silently by Brandy Aniston. For the right price she is on her knees and sucking his cock in broad daylight. Tommy eats her out and then bends her over for some nice looking standing doggy. Brandy looks great and other than her Hello Kitty tattoo, her costume and look fit the feel of the movie. I really like the way she rides in reverse cowgirl. Great energy and plenty of eye candy. She returns to her knees to take a load right on her busy face.
Jazy Berlin & Lee Stone
The party keeps getting bigger. Now Jazy Berlin has been added to the adventure. After they kill a giant snake, dive into a moat and get brought before they King. He sends them on their way to find his daughter. It seems the quest makes our hero horny and gets a little piece of Jazy by the fire. He eats her out before dropping that big cock right into her mouth. Her energy is OK, but she looks really good straddling his dick during the reverse cowgirl. He ends up shooting all over her face. Nothing horrible about this scene, but it just doesn’t have a lot of energy either.
Missy Maze & Sean Michaels
The King’s daughter (Missy Maze) is being held captive by Sean Michaels. Based on the way she greets him with open legs I would say that she isn’t exactly being held against her will. Sean licks his way up her thigh and finds her pussy to be juicy and ready. His cock is ready, but needs her mouth to get it all nice and wet. The Princess is only too happy to try her best to swallow his long pole. Only about half of it fits into her mouth, but she does her best to make the rest of his dick feel good with her tongue and hands. He rolls her over into spoon and stuffs her tight shaved pussy. Missy is a rather low energy performer for most of this scene, but she looks good. He pulls out and shoots all over her belly.
Bonus: BTS, Hustler Trailers, Commercials
