Lesbian Psychodrama

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MOVIE TYPE: Vignette

169 Mins.

Company: Girlfriends Films

DIRECTOR:

THEMES: Lesbians

CONDOMS: Nope!

Year of Production: 2012

STARS: Sensi Pearl, Vanilla DeVille, Prinzzess, Ariella Ferrera, Lily Carter, Hayden Hawkens, Zoey Holloway

Reviewed by: Miller Huggins

If the scenes aren’t individually credited, all-girl movies can be like those word puzzles where there are six people at a dinner party and the banker is seated next to one of the divorced people and all the people with children are seated at opposite ends of the table and no women are seated next to vegetarians. I hate trying to figure out which one of them is which, especially if they don’t have lots of tattoos that you can use to identify them. Lesbian Psychodramas 9 lists what ook to be scene pairings, at least, on the boxcover, but who knows what order they’re in? Porn is like that. Fortunately, if one skips all the way to the end of LP9, one finds a set of brief clips with the girls’ names, so in this case at least, it’s not a problem.

The plot seems to revolve around someone’s house being in danger of repossession, a roommate search, and some psychodramas between lesbians. I’m going to let you discover the ins and outs of it for yourself, partly because that’s fairer to the movie, but also because, honestly, it was too much work to unravel all the relationships and entanglements. I will go so far as to say I think there might be some women in here who don’t have sex with each other, but I couldn’t swear to it. Lesbian porn isn’t really my deal, so I am a little less involved with this movie than with a lot of the porn I review, but you shouldn’t take tht a s a strike against this one. The girls are all cute and everything, and they do have lots of sex, but I find it difficult to get wrapped up in it.

Scene 1 features Sensi Pearl, a slender youngish, blonde, and Vanilla DeVille, an older brunette with a face that looks like it’s been subtly sculpted and tits with a much less subtle pedigree. There is a lot of licking and fingering, moaning and pulling of Sensi’s hair. Sometimes Sensi really looks like she knows what she’s doing, and sometimes she doesn’t at all; on the other hand, I guess maybe when faced with blocky tits like Vanilla’s, even an experienced lesbian might lose her focus and fumble a little.

In scene 2, Prinzzess – a tanned blonde, and Ariella Ferrera, a young but weathered brunette, fall to gossiping after a hard day of moving furntiure. As is often the case in Penthouse Letters, the talk turns to sex, and then so do the hands and the fingers and the tongues. Their scene starts off very slowly – a welcome change from most porn – and proceeds at a nice, languid pace. There’s lots of kissing and it takes quite a while for them to get undressed; when they do, Ariella also turns out to have a pair of less-than-perfect fake tits, although they’re better than Vanilla’s. The scene is long and very sexy, with the two of them putting up decent performances as girls new to the world of lesbian sex.

Third up, Prinzzess gets to make a return appearance, this time with Lily Carter in what looks like it’s going to be a threesome with Sensi Pearl but turns intoa twosome when Sensi leaves to get more cocoa and doesn’t come back with it. This one starts off with what has to be the creepiest and most awkward lesbian seduction I’ve ever seen, with Sensi and Prinzzess discussing first the births of ponies and puppies and then making the transition to “mommy-daddy sex” as opposed to “mommy-mommy sex” and the relative merits thereof. Ordinarily I try to stay away from plot in porn – especially when it’s half-assed and clearly thrown together for the sake of a sop to the idea that porn should be about something, but Lily plays it so innocent that I got a little sick of her girly act, and found her less attractive as a result, with the concomitant effect that I also found Prinzzess (whose name I am even starting to get annoyed with) and Sensi kind of disgusting for sexualizing it. I guess I’ll just pass over this one by saying that if you like Prinzzess (gah) and Lily, you’ll probably like watching them fuck. I guess it’s my own fault for watching a movie with “psychodrama” right in the name.

In the fourth and final scene, cute blonde teen Hayden Hawkins ends up fucking her stepmother, Zoey Holloway, which is to say that she is 69 minutes late (an could we please never make a 69 joke in porn again? Why do even lesbians have to act like seventh-graders when this number comes up?) and is punished by inappropriate advances form an older woman she trusts. This scene makes me aware that we are coming up on a time in the world when it is entirely likely that the moms of the current generation are going to have more and dirtier tattoos than their daughters, and the new generation is just going to be taking that for granted, rather than understanding that those tattoos once signified not motherhood but the willingness to take it in the ass. But I digress. After entirely too long a bit of plot, they finally get down to business, with the results being hot but not hot enough, for me, to overcome the lingering effects of the bad plotting. The pacing is nice and slow, and the two seem to have decent chemistry; Holloway, with a pair of barely noticeable fake boobs, make the brunettes in this movie three for four on that score. Hawkins, like the rest of the blondes, is slim and natural. Her back is spotted with tattoos in a way that makes it look like somebody threw a handful of flash at her and some of it stuck. That’s kind of hot, though.

As I’ve said before, I don’t care much about lesbian sex. I realize that it is not the point of a review to leave you to make your own decisions about a movie, but that is what I am going to do mostly, with a couple of caveats, as foillows.

1: Most of the brunettes have big fake tits. No judgments here, but four of the six fakes are pretty obvious. If you’re looking at this movie because you want all-natural lesbian sex that isn’t catering to men, be aware of that.

2: No toys. Again, not a judgment, but I know that there is a division among the lovers of lesbian porn between those who want it all fingers and tongues and just plain body parts and those who like strapons and vibrators and the various whatnots that the world makes available for women who feel like technology improves on what nature has provided. I am most often in the latter camp, and there are plenty of movies for those like me. This is not one of them, but that doesn’t make it a bad movie.

OVERALL RATING: 7
FEMALE LOOKS: 7
MALE LOOKS: N/A
PICTURE QUALITY: 8
EXTRAS: Promo’s (sic) and trailers
PLOT/ACTING: 6
SEX: 7

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