Not South Park XXX

MOVIE TYPE: Parody
161 Mins
DIRECTOR: Will Ryder
CONDOMS: None
THEMES: Porn Parody, Comedy, Anal Sex, Porn Stars, Sluts, Comedy
2013
STARS: Anthony Rosano, Tommy Pistol, Dane Cross, Kevin Wang, Katie Summers, Liv Aguilera, Allison Moore, Amanda Blow, Aria Austin, Kyle Stone, Hillary Scott, Kurt Lockwood

REVIEW-

This latest Will Ryder parody is both unlikely and inevitable. South Park is one of the most talked about (and best) TV shows of the past decade and a half. Literally no topic has been off limits. That leaves it wide open for great parody. On the other hand, it’s an animated series about four grade school kids. How the fuck are they going to turn that into porn? With a great deal of humor and more than a bit of skill, that’s how. Like he did with the Three Stooges, Ryder has turned a series with virtually no built-in sexual appeal so the sex has to come in at random and the script has to stand on its own. The script is funny and takes the foul mouthed kids into young adulthood with few changes. Stan is still dorky, Kyle whines incessantly and Cartman is a detestable little cusswad. The guys dominate the dialog and they do so well. Anthony Rosano turns in a great performance as Cartman. He is one of the best actors in the business and is perfect here. Tommy Pistol and Dane Cross are quite good as Stan and Kyle while Kevin Wang gets to mumble his way as he plays Kenny. Girls in this movie are mostly background until the sex starts. They are all pretty enough and decent performers, but there are no stand out scenes here. Well, there is one, but we will talk about that more in a bit. Liv Aguilera does a nice opening scene. She’s cute, gives good energy and is worth looking at. Aria Austin does anal and gives some nice dirty talk in her scene with Rosano. Allison Moore and Amanda Blow team up for a pretty good scene with Allison stealing the spotlight. Katie Summers is in the finale and is good. No anal or real dirty talk, but she gives us a happy ending to the story. Oddly enough, the hottest girl and best scene doesn’t come from the current cast. There is a hilarious (and in sticking with the spirit of South Park, very timely) stab and “free” (stolen) porn on the internet. The boys watch a scene with Hillary Scott and are amazed. It’s funny that the hottest scene in the movie comes from another flick and it opens up plenty of room for discussions about the long term effects of piracy on the quality of porn babes, and the decline of the star system in porn. Let’s save the discussions for late though and just enjoy watching Hillary Scott take it up the ass as only she can. This is a funny parody with a good script, more than a few laughs and sex that is good enough to keep you interested. Now I just can’t wait to see the South Park parody of the South Park parody.

Liv Aguilera & Tommy Pistol

For just twenty five bucks, Liv has agreed to show the boys her pussy. They enjoy the show, but for a bit more she will give it up. Only Stan (Tommy Pistol) has the spare cash to take the full ride. He pulls her panties aside and eats that wet little box for a while. She gets on her knees and flashes pretty eyes to the camera as he fucks her face. Liv is very pretty and does a really nice suck job. The POV footage is really good with eye contact and that active tongue making sure Liv earns every penny. Spreading her legs wide she gets up in reverse cowgirl and shows off her body beautifully. The camera gets in really close for the footage here, leaving nothing to the imagination as she grinds her twat on his throbbing tool. When she turns around the action is just as good, but with her butt now at the center of the shot. He gives it to her hard and fast in spoon and then shoots his load all over her face. Simple, well shot and very hot, nice opening effort.

Hillary Scott & Kurt Lockwood

The guys take a look at Katie’s cousin Hillary Scott and one of her “soft core” efforts. This scene (Taken from Britney Rears 3) features Hillary at her dirtiest, drooling all over Kurt’s modest member and making sure she makes choking noises every time it passes her lips. He lifts her into standing 69 so he can spread her lips and eat that pussy while she keeps worshiping is prick. The cut away shots are kind of funny, but it does take away from the strokeable filth that is Hillary Scott. Rolling onto her back she talks dirty while he fucks her pussy. The reverse cowgirl is really good here. Her dirty talk is just fucking incredible. Don’t we all miss Hillary Scott? She dismounts and sucks her sweet juices from his shaft before bending over the let him have at it from behind. For the big finale, she mounts up with his dick in her ass and lets out a solid stream of verbal filth that is just about perfect. He puts her in piledriver, destroys that ass and then cums all over her face. Hillary holds out her hands to catch every drop. This is a really good scene, but is it a good idea to have the hottest sex of your movie pulled from an older title?

Aria Austin & Anthony Rosano

After getting kicked in the nuts Cartman (Rosano) ends up in the hospital and in need of ball massage. Nurse Allison Moore starts things off. Then the girl who kicked him, Aria Austin, comes in to finish the job. She feels so bad that she does a lot more than just rub his balls. She takes his cock into her mouth and starts choking on it. Good close up shots as she sucks and jerks the dick off. Aria swings her pussy over his face and rides in 69 for a while. That meaty, shaved slit slips easily over his dick as she rides in reverse cowgirl. His balls are just fine In doggy he wedges his thumb into her asshole and has her moaning pretty loudly. She’s no Hillary, but she holds her own during the dirty talk and eventually the anal penetration. The anal comes in doggy with Aria sticking her butt up high in the air and taking cock like a champ. He spanks her ass and watching his cock stretch her booty I am tempted to make a joke about Cartman being “big boned” but I think I will resist. He pulls out for a big A2M popshot on her waiting tongue. Not quite Hillary Scott, but not bad either.

Allison Moore, Amanda Blow & Kevin Wang

The gang gets onto a porn set and when the male talent can’t get hard, Kenny steps in. Allison is the female talent, but the director (another Will Ryder cameo) throws make up artist Amanda Blow in there as well. The girls make out and then tag team his cock. They pass it back and forth, giving some hot POV footage as they suck. Allison is quite cute and Amanda seems to know exactly when to step up to lend a helping tongue when needed. The girls take turns fucking. Allison gets slightly higher marks here as she a tad cuter, a bit more energetic and just more fun to watch. Amanda again scores high marks for sucking his cock whenever it pops out of Allison’s tight pussy. He pulls out and shoots onto Allison’s tummy before keeling over dead. (Natch.)

Katie Summers & Dane Cross

After finding out that his girl really is a gang bang slut, Kyle (Dane Cross) goes for it anyway. He dives right in and eats her out. (Yeah, that’s what you want to do when your girl tells you she like gang bangs.) She turns around and gives a nice looking POV blowjob before guiding him into her pussy. He slides it in there and bangs away. Katie is nice looking and tries for some dirty talk, but this is pretty pedestrian stuff for the most part. I like the POV doggy shots as she looks back over her shoulder and smiles for the camera. When he has her on top, Dane reaches around and plays with her asshole for a while. Hey, if she is going to date a porn slut, he better learn to fuck one properly. Pulling out in mish, he hits her face with one volley and leaves the rest on her tits and belly.

Bonus: Story only Version, BTS Documentary, Photo Galleries, Trailers, Bloopers and Outtakes