This Ain’t Die Hard XXX (Blu-Ray)
MOVIE TYPE: All Sex
105 Mins
Hustler
DIRECTOR: Stuart Canterbury
CONDOMS: None
THEMES: Porn Parody, Action, Girls and Guns
2013
STARS: Brooklyn Lee, Kimberly Kane, Holly Taylor, Capri Cavanni, Leilani Leeane, Tommy Gunn, Derrick Pierce, Billy Glide,
REVIEW-
Stuart Canterbury is giving Alex Braun a few days off from making parodies. He’s taking on one of the biggest action movies of all time. This one is part spoof, part tribute parody. It would be tough to really recreate the adventures of John McClane in the Nakatomi building, so Canterbury does the best he can and puts a sexy twist on things. There are some things to like about this movie for sure. Setting it in the Flynt Building and making the terrorists go after the porno bucks is pretty clever and funny. They have also wisely turned Alan Rickman into Kimberly Kane as the head of the terrorist cell. She handles her dialog well, wields a gun like she knows what she’s doing and is given one sex scene in which she shines. Kimberly has the best scene of the movie sexually and we would have done well to see more of her. (Come on, the rooftop scene would have been perfect.) Brooklyn Lee plays the strong and dutiful wife and like Kimberly she gives a great scene. Also like Kimberly she is painfully underused. Instead of more from these hotties we get a throw away Santa scene with Holly Taylor who is cute, but unrelated to the story and mostly disinterested in taking dick. Leilani Leeane provides a good sex scene and a few laughs (though probably not intentional) with her dialog. The huge holes in the story are OK I guess, but I expect really good things from parodies if I am going to love them. There are things about this I really like (Kimberly and Brooklyn mostly), but not enough for me to love it. I don’t think we will see three or four sequels to this one so enjoy it while you can.
Holly Taylor & Billy Glide
Since “almost” anything goes at the Hustler Christmas party, Santa (Billy Glide) gets to show a naughty girl (Holly Taylor) what he has for her. He whips it out and she sucks it right in the middle of the party. The Santa suit offers a little something different, but Holly seems to suck his dick like it might be inanimate. He stands up and she wraps her fingers around the base. It’s not a very energetic blowjob. Maybe he’s just too big for her. Climbing on top she shows off a pretty decent ass and tries to talk dirty during an equally uninspiring round of cowgirl. Things pick up only slightly when she turns around for reverse cowgirl. Holly’s body is quite pleasing to the eye, but she fucks like she’s bored and counting down the seconds until the scene is over. It’s good if you like the holiday theme, but it’s a space filler with a shot all over her tits announcing the end.
Kimberly Kane & Tommy Gunn
Skipping way ahead in the movie, Tommy offers to give the lead terrorist (Kimberly Kane) some leverage against Derrick. If he’s going to give up the information she has to give up her goods. Kimberly tears her stockings and orders him to the floor to eat her pussy. Warmed up she drops her head over the side of the desk and lets him fuck her face upside-down. Nice sloppy BJ here from one of the very best in the business. Tommy rolls her over and starts fucking her pussy while she rubs her clit and kicks her booted feet in the air. He rolls her over and gives her a good role in spoon while she tries to start a fire between her legs with furious clit rubbing. Everything that was missing in the first scene is here in a big way. Kimberly shows genuine energy, knows how to work her body for the best angles and fucks like she really means it. Tommy bends her over the desk and just slam away while she begs for more. They get into an office chair for some nice looking reverse cowgirl. While still riding she reaches down and jerks him off into her thick bush.
Capri Cavanni
Capri pulls off the robbery, but all that money just makes her horny. She lies in the middle of the table rubbing herself with stacks of cash. Lucky for her, she is in the sex toy wing of the Flynt Building and just grabs a vibrator to help herself out. Very sexy solo play from this cutie. She works that toy into her twat and writhes around like the ride is never going to end.
Leilani Leanne & Ryan Driller
Things are heating up, but the cop helping McClane is busy sucking some FBI cock. Odd, unmotivated and out of place as this scene is, it’s still fun to watch. This girl is worth a look and she really knows how to suck a dick. The cop uniform she wears only adds to the fun, but the BJ alone should get your heart pumping. He throws her up on the hood of her car at eats her out, presumably with the entire tactical team just hanging back watching. Leilani bend over so he can slip his meat into her sweet pussy. I like the mish shots a lot because she has really great legs. The uniform stays on so you can also add some bonus points if you like clothed cop sex. Their energy is decent and he pops all over her pussy just in time for the action sequence to being.
Brooklyn Lee & Derrick Pierce
With the bad guys taken care of it’s finally time for him to fuck his wife. Brooklyn Lee looks great in just heels as she waits for him to work his tongue down her body and find her pussy wet and waiting. She teaks off her shoes and points her toes as he licks her up and down. Returning the favor, Brooklyn gags on his cock while slurping it greedily. They certainly don’t act like a couple about to divorce. By the time she is done sucking, Brooklyn has coated his cock with her spit so it just slides right up into her when she climbs on. Nice looking ass shots here. He stands her up and takes her from behind, grabbing her hips and fucking as deeply as he can. They finish up in mish with a shot all over her red muff.
Bonus: Photo Gallery, Trailers, BTS,
