Now For Something Completely Different
All right, this is an interesting story. No, it’s not about some college girl getting busted for paying her student loans on her back. No, it’s not about a coed cam girl getting busted for being naughty. It’s not even about turning a few selfies from an unpaid internship into a lucrative porn career. All of those are fine stories mind you and have been click bait and fifteen minutes of fame fodder for sure. But this one? Wow, this is really something. This is about a girl who used to do naughty things, but now earns money (BIG money from the story) by opening up toys.
That’s right, according to the story, a YouTuber named DC Toys (DC Toys YouTube Channel) brings in upwards of five million dollars a year with videos of an unseen woman opening up Disney toys and demonstrating their use. Apparently children can’t get enough of the surprises waiting inside of the boxes and the soft, childlike voice of the woman playing with them. Pretty amazing right? Someone makes five million (That’s with a mother fucking M) bucks for making videos opening toys.
Here, check it out for yourself.
But wait, there’s more. It turns out, the woman who makes these videos used to be a porn star. That’s right, the sweet voice behind this million dollar idea for kids used to Sandy Summers, adult model/porn star. (Gallery of Sandy Summers since I know you are dying to see her.).
Now, you might be wondering how anyone found out that the performer formerly known as Sandy is actually the unseen woman behind this amazing idea. According to the story, neighbors saw the daily deliveries and noticed that she never left the house. That let them to wonder. Then apparently a news story about the channel and how much money it was making made these same neighbors put two and two together. Aha, the voice on the channel was unmistakably that of their neighbor Daiane DeJesus. They that makes sense. Who doesn’t know their reclusive neighbor by voice?
But wait, there’s still more. From there these same neighbors put two and six together and noticed that a scar on Daiane ‘s elbow matched that of one porn star Sandy Summers has. Holy fucking coincidence Batman, who saw that coming?
What are the odds that the reclusive couple who found a way to make millions feeding visual, wholesome crack to kids is the same couple who turned young Sandy’s pretty face and perfect body into a cash machine? About the same odds as this story having a follow up story about the inevitable backlash against Diane because of her past. About how her million dollar empire is in jeopardy from small minded, anti-sex bigots. About the same odds as a follow up to that story touting her as a brave woman who found a life after porn and made it work. Oh and about the same odds as this couple having a clever publicist who helped make sure that two and two were put together and that this little story will rattle around the angry blogosphere long enough for her YouTube channel to make even more money and whatever porn content they have still lying around (on a conveniently forgotten site perhaps) gets a new round of views from spank happy suckers around the globe. In the meantime, bloggers everywhere can pull up links to Sandy’s old scenes and photo sets. After all, if you haven’t seen them, then they are new aren’t they?
And lest you think me too cynical, I think this is rather brilliant actually. From start to finish. Brilliant of Daiane and her husband to come up with this channel in the first place. (All seriousness, hats off. Just because we don’t get it, we can’t argue with the amazing results.) Brilliant on the part of the publicist who has worked the story thus far, getting us from mystery woman, to reclusive couple, to porn past and who will inevitably guide us through the bombastic backlash and then the counter protests who will remind us all to just live and let live. All while making a few bucks of course. I genuinely applaud everyone involved in this story. In fact, I cheer for them.
Or better yet, I will let Sandy doing the cheering for me. Enjoy the Eye Candy.
