AVN Day 4: Concluding Reflections
Saturday, the final day of the AEE, dawned much like a bad hang-over: dehydrated, sleep-deprived and with a splitting headache. My saving grace, of course, was that this trip at the very least didn’t have a coyote ugly moment sprawled across my arm, a benefit to keeping the scope of my relationships limited just to those individuals that are battery-operated. I felt especially grateful for this in a world where my last relationship (with the Russian) began and ended within 15 minutes, courtesy of a hasty engagement, some Jack Daniels and stairs leading to a fire escape. Sadly, it had certainly been one of my more satisfying and long-lasting relationships, mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t really understand him.
Needless to say, due to my bad attitude, I didn’t have high expectations for the day. After all, the previous night’s experience taught me that not only would I be limited access to the people that I wanted to talk to (see previous blogs for mad lusting of Aurora, Shay and Chris Alexander) but that the very people I didn’t want to see (see previous blog regarding Caesar, Armand and the drunken Russian) would invariably find me anyway.
Still, I dragged my cranky ass on to the floor to assist Rog with the last few interviews and to see what could be arranged for further networking or freebies. I knew it would be difficult to be in a bad mood if I was taking home a new toy or DVD prominently featuring veggie action. I didn’t encounter any porn stars and truthfully, it appeared most everybody else had lost interest in the convention as well. Still, this allowed me the luxury to wander the booths more freely to examine products that I had likely looked over the previous few days.
I also managed to find the single-most impressive toy that I had encountered during the convention. Rather, I found an entire company to earn the Gadget Girl item of the day. Discreet Sensations, a Michigan-based company that prides itself on selling toys designed “to be unnoticeable to the general public and safe for travel without embarrassment.” Salesman William spent 20 minutes shooting the breeze with me about how he and a few buddies designed a sleek, metal vibrator to be completely and totally concealed and practical while they were working as engineers on other projects. The vibrator amazingly turns into a hairbrush, a flashlight, and a lipstick tube with real colors. Noticing my own lipstick fetish, William assured me that in the near-future, the product will be launched featuring several different shades of lipstick. I can’t even pretend to hide my amazement, and all but beg him to send me home with one. After verifying my credentials as Savana Switzer, resident toy reviewer and wanton female masturbator, he took my information and promised to send me one in the next few weeks for my own private collection.
In a nutshell, the sun went down on the AEE without much fanfare, but given the action of the previous three days, it’s easy to understand that there was just too much to compete with. If anything, a casual, low-key note allowed me to slip quietly into my hotel room after bidding Rog a fond farewell and catch a nap, replaying the events out in my mind. And decided to ditch the bad attitude in favor of reflecting on just how much the AVN had given me. Who cares that I hadn’t slept and food had (more or less) consisted of rice cakes and salmon?
After all, I interviewed several of my favorite stars, met and had dinner with Chris Alexander, groped Aurora Snow, received and rejected a marriage proposal, faked my own death, turned down two separate offers to appear in porn, very nearly slept with Erik Everhard and found a toy that will probably make dating a thing of the past. Truly, in just four days, I had seen and experience more than most single twentysomethings from Kansas see and experience in a year. So, jeers to a negative attitude, and cheers to the AVN, which can expect Savana Switzer to be in attendance next year with bells on.
Stay tuned, dear readers, and let’s see what entanglements I can get myself into. Until then, here’s wishing you all a very happy new year.
