This Can’t be Deadpool XXX
www.BrazzersNetwork.com
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
185 Mins
Spizo
DIRECTOR: Ralph Long
CONDOMS: None
THEMES: Parody, Superheroes, Prostitutes, Comedy, Blowjobs,
2015
STARS: Gabby Quinteros, Vyxen, Anikka Albrite, Brittany Andrews, Kasey Warner, Dava Foxx, Allie Haze, August Ames, Ava Addams, Ralph Long, Evan Stone, Jovan Jordan, Brad Knight, Tommy Gunn, Brandon Iron
REVIEW-
This is quite the comic book porn parody. It’s an epic three hours with tons of sex scenes, special effects and a big cast. There is a lot of good here and a lot of bad as well. In fact, inconsistent is one of the best ways to describe this movie. At times it is pretty hilarious and at other times it’s a complete mess. Like most comic book porn parodies, this one has a plot thinner than a single page of your favorite comic. That doesn’t really take too much away since the movie gets by on jokes (often at its own expense) and fast and furious sex. The cast is huge, with a few stand outs. It features the return of Brittany Andrews. Her scene is pretty good. She has stayed in very good shape and does a pretty nice job with Tommy Gunn. The rest of the female cast is hit and miss, with enough highlight moments to keep things moving between train wrecks. The opening scene is a total mess which is too bad. Gabby Quinteros is actually pretty hot and Vyxen seems well suited for some extreme two on one action. The problem is that the lighting, camerawork and pace of the scene will leave you scratching your head instead of rubbing one out. Things get better with Anikka Albrite. It’s hard not to since she is a very consistent performer with an ass that makes any scene look pretty great. Ditto that for Allie Haze who pop up later. She too gets herself totally pounded in a spandex suit. There are a pair of BJ scenes that are completely uneven. Dava Foxx gives great head and talks up a blue streak. Her scene goes on forever though. Kasey Warner is a cute cock sucker but the lighting on her scene is unforgivably bad. August Ames finishes the movie with a pretty solid scene. The makeup is interesting and her body banging. Ralph Long both directs and stars in the movie. In both roles he seems to be taking this only half seriously. Deadpool XXX is a movie that simultaneously tries too hard and doesn’t try hard enough. If you really like cheeky comic book porn and are patient enough to pick through Cap’n Crunch to get the
Gabby Quinteros, Vyxen, Evan Stone, Jovan Jordan & Brad Knight
With one of the X-Men mortally wounded, Deadpool is sent out in search of the weapon that could kill them all. Somehow that leads us to Gabby Quinteros in a run-down flop house or something. Jovan Jordan and Brad Knight are about to rob or kill her or something. She takes out her big tits and makes a porno offer they can’t refuse. Why kill her when they can fuck her instead. She is pretty hot, especially in her tight skirt with her bra exposed as she bobs her head between their two growing cocks. All of a sudden a blonde (Vyxen) shows up. She’s Catwoman and she has come for the folder, or to save Gabby or something. She ends up sucking cock right with the other girl. Then things get even stranger when Punisher (Evan Stone) shows up. Now there are three cocks and two girls so things get busy. Gabby gets on the couch to handle Evan while Vyxen goes nuts on the other pair of cocks. Everyone swaps and no one seems to miss a beat. Except for maybe the lighting guy (or girl) who seems to be asleep at the wheel for much of this scene. Vyxen does some serious streaming while bouncing on Brad’s dong. Gabby looks great standing up with Evan pumping her from behind and Jovan filling her mouth with dark meat. There is a little DP action from Catwoman (Isn’t she in the wrong comic book universe?) but watching Gabby work her hips to ride Jovan is really the sexual highlight. Vyxen looks more than a little bit like Lada Gaga and talks up a blue streak while her holes are being stretched. The scene is pretty much a mess, poorly paced and edited to the point that it looks like they didn’t know what they were going for. That doesn’t mean it is completely without heat. Vyxen spends a lot of time with two dicks in her and works them well. Gabby is really hot when she’s on top of a big cock, working those shapely hips. Gabby ends up on her knees taking a really big load from Jovan. Vyxen gets next to her for the second shot so they can share it. Evan drops the final load that gets passed back and forth in an intense kiss before the bloody end to this nightmare of an opening scene.
Anikka Albrite & Ralph Long
Deadpool (Ralph Long) has a hot blonde superheroine girlfriend (Annika Albrite) waiting at home. He is late and she is upset (and holding a rubber chicken) but he takes out his cock and all is well. She squats in front of him and starts sucking his cock. With his balls in her hands, she works him expertly with her mouth. Any time you have the Performer of the Year working a prick in your movie, it’s a good thing. He turns her around on the couch and pushes the crotch of her outfit aside to make room for his cock. Great ass shots of Anikka as she arches her back and takes his hard strokes. She loses her outfit and gets on top of him, slamming her hips up and down and showing off that spectacular ass. Being the super sexy slut that she is, Anikka pulls off the occasional dismount and sucks her juices from his big throbbing cock. The energy level here is very good and Anikka looks lovely getting plugged. This is a really good song, but it seems to be oddly paced by the end. She sucks him off, goes back to fucking long after the natural arc seems to have run out. He finally cums on her wide open mouth. Generally I would say that you can’t go wrong with more Anikka, but this one would have been even hotter if it were more tightly edited.
Brittany Andrews & Tommy Gunn
Though she is dying, Kitty (Brittany Andrews) is ready to go. At least she is dressed in lingerie and stripper heels. This is a return to porn after a few years for busty Brittany. She shares a moment with Wolverine (Tommy Gunn) that starts when she leans back and invites him suck on her big tits. He moves between her legs and gets he warmed up. Returning the favor, Brit drags her huge tits over his cock and then pops it into her mouth. This is kind of a big moment for fans who have been waiting to see her in action. Sadly the camera isn’t in focus and it kind of fucks up the first shots as she looks up at his face and licks his meat. There is a bit of well shot oral, but they kind of missed the boat here. Brittany throws her legs up high and plays with her pussy while he grabs a condom and gets ready to fuck her. Tommy grabs one of her long legs and starts banging for dear life. The leg shots a very nice. She gets on all fours and takes him from behind, smiling at the camera like she’s glad to be back. Riding in cowgirl, she works his rubber-clad rod into her hole and bangs like she isn’t supposed to be mortally wounded and dying. Tommy shoots his load all over her tits. Welcome back Brittany.
Kasey Warner & Tommy Gunn
Wolverine goes out looking for Deadpool. He runs into a hooker (Kasey Warner) who is also waiting. To pass the time, he whips out his cock and has the cute working girl suck it. She gives good looking head, but the lighting is really bad again. From one angle it’s fine, but it’s like they just said “fuck it†for the rest, making each cut a painful reminder that this movie is at least half just thrown together. Kasey has to suck and stroke with the same “final seconds†intensity forever before she finally gets a hot from Tommy. To make matters worse, she is actually doing a great job near the end, jerking him with both fists into her mouth, but they are using the poorly lit angle. This is just lazy and it hurts an otherwise serviceable scene.
Dava Foxx & Brandon Iron
The bad guy (Brandon Iron) gives a brunette hooker (Dava Foxx) a note for Punisher. Then he sticks around for some head in the alley. Nice POV shots here and Dava scores a lot of points for talking dirty. In fact, one might say she gives a through blow by blow of her blowjob. There is some really good footage, I like the talk and Dava really blows like a pro. The problem is that it is another one note scene. She has to suck forever and without much variety, the charm wears thin despite her skills. After showing him her asshole, Dava goes back to sucking his balls and cock. Putting this one directly after another BJ only scene seems odd and the heat wanes because it goes on for too long before he finally puts a load right on her tongue. Dava is hotter than this.
Allie Haze & Ralph Long
When Deadpool has an unpleasant encounter with Punisher (Complete with special effects y’all) he is saved by Domino (Played by Allie Haze who is for some reason, not playing Rouge in a later scene.) To repay her act of kindness he transports them to a cheesy porn set where she can get her pretty lips to work on his hard cock. She looks fantastic on her knees and it really doesn’t matter what character she is playing, Allie is super-hot. How can you not love the way she puts his cock right against her face and licks it while she jerks it hard. He turns her around and fucks her from behind. This is a pretty basic scene with good lighting and a very attractive star. Allie gets on top and shows off her fantastic ass (Pool question, whose ass looks better in this position, Allie’s or Anikka’s?) and takes every inch. They roll into spoon and he eventually pushes her leg back up against her shoulder to really bang her deep. They take a break to let her suck his cock again. This gives us some hot BJ footage and great shots of her ass again. They return to spoon so he can pump a few more times and then leave his load in her thick bush.
August Ames & Ralph Long
Rogue does appear, but is played by August Ames instead of Allie. She is captured and joined by Deadpool. Since she is able to have human contact at this point, she naturally wants his cock. (Porn Logic 101) She actually rips a hole in his suite and starts shoving his long cock to the back of her throat. When she has drooled on his dong long enough, August mounts up and pumps her hips hard while fucking. He flips her over and she rubs her clit hard while going nonstop with dirty talk and moans. August enthusiastically sucks his cock until her juices are all cleaned off. This scene isn’t bad, but it’s basically the same thing as the last one without Allie to make it stand out. Her black boots do add some fetish appeal and unlike Allie, August is sporting the shaved pussy look. He unloads all over her tits to finish things off.
Ava Addams & Tommy Gunn
Desperate to save Kitty, Wolverine pays a visit to Lady Death (The old fashioned way.) who is only too happy to see him. Ava Addams is super-hot with an amazing rack. She’s done up in some crazy make up here, but still looks great riding the pole. (An actual stripper pole to start with.) Tommy bends her over and we get some great shots of her huge hooters shaking as she stands on one foot. When she rides in reverse cowgirl, Ava’s body looks fantastic. This woman is bound to appeal to a lot of porn fans and is worth sticking around for. Every position they fuck in seems to show off her tits beautifully. Maybe that’s because they are so damn impressive on their own. After such a long movie with so many forgettable moments, Ava’s energetic fucking, unique make up and banging body make the finale worth watching. She uses her big tits to get him off all over her face and rack.
