Donald, The
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
172 Mins
Hustler
DIRECTOR: Steve Matthews
CONDOMS: None
THEMES: Parody,
2016
STARS: Evan Stone, Subil Arch, Natasha Starr, Skylar Madison, Christie Stevens, Britney Amber, Alyssa Lynn, Mark Zane, Donnie Rock
REVIEW-
Given the fact that this is an election year, this parody and probably a few more like it were inevitable. (Hustler released Republican Wife Swap a while back) We saw a whole series of Palin parodies starring Lisa Ann so why wouldn’t Hustler dip back into that formula. They are timely, poke fun at something America is taking very seriously and tap into that pre-existing fantasy appeal that makes good parodies so hot. The problem is that this movie just isn’t very good. The thought of a whole series at this point in cringe-worthy. Starting at the top of the ticket, this one just lacks appeal. While Lisa Ann was dead on as Sarah Palin, she was also fucking gorgeous and an appealing sexual fantasy. Even Stone is a really good actor and he has been part of some of the best parodies in porn. His Trump however, is just horrible. He’s overacting and doesn’t have much to do besides babble. Couple this performance with a dreadful script and you have a movie that is unwatchable in between the sex scenes. That wouldn’t even be a problem on its own. After all, we aren’t really tuned in for smart political satire. The Kindergarten-level insults disguised as writing can be forgiven if the sex is stroke-worthy right? Right in theory, but the sex in this movie is forgettable at best. The cast is uninspiring and they live up to that billing completely. Britney Amber plays Sarah Palin in this one. She does her best to save the movie. Britney looks good and doesn’t do a bad Palin. She’s kind of stuck in a Lisa Ann sized shadow. They also put her in a lesbian scene and a solo romp instead of really letting her loose. The rest of the cast and sex scenes are bland. Subil Arch is pretty attractive as one of Trump’s wives in the three-way opener. Christie Stevens (who I like) and Skylar Madison go through the motions as part of the VP reality show contest. Alyssa Lynn has huge tits and joins Britney for some lesbian fun. To make matters worse, they edited the movie so that these unimpressive sex scenes meander on for at least twice as long as they should. Had they cut the scenes down to just the highlights, things might have been better. From top to bottom, this is a train wreck. If Hustler is going to make this a series, they need to change writers, directors, editors and probably pay whatever hefty fee it would cost to bring Lisa Ann out of retirement. Otherwise they are just going to make a long and painful campaign season even longer.
Subil Arch, Natasha Starr & Evan Stone
In this version of reality, Trump has two wives (Subil Arch and Natasha Starr) and at 4:20 every day they have three-way sex. If you can stomach Evan’s hamming up to get to the two-girls kissing, then things should be OK. Throw in a few Hitler jokes and you can see where this script is going. While the girls are busy making out, he gets into bed and works his way into the fun. When he takes out his cock, Subil starts sucking. Natasha is so busy eating pussy that she hardly notices Donald is even there. Even moves in behind Subil and fucks her while she licks the other wife. He flips her over and they continue. Subil is nice looking and seems to enjoy the deep strokes as much as Natasha enjoys riding her face. They switch positions and continue with more of the same. This scene already feels way too long. The women are decent looking, but there is moderate energy at best and everyone just kind of seems bored. They pick things up a bit during a nice double blowjob that looks as if it might end the scene. Sadly, that isn’t the case and they tack on some more fucking after. It just ends up feeling like it drags on way too long. They don’t really add much to the parody angle either so it’s a threesome for people who like semi-clothed males and women in stockings. He finishes on Natalia’s bush and the cuter girl licks up the load for a cum swapping kiss. This feels like they are just trying too hard to make up for a poorly paced, often boring opening scene.
Skylar Madison & Mark Zane
In a reality contest to see who will be his VP, The Donald has Ted Cruz (Mark Zane) in one room fucking the “Middle Class†(Skylar Madison). He does about three minutes of babbling before leaving Mark to fuck the blonde. She takes his cock out and starts sucking it. Skylar does a decent job with her mouth and uses her natural boobs to squeeze around his rising pole (Or poll of you prefer your porn with more puns.) She climbs on top and he holds her ass open while fucking her. After about fifteen seconds it is clear that the squeaking bed is actually more interesting than the action. He eats her pussy for a bit and then flips her over. Skylar looks pretty good with her legs in the air and Mark gives her a rigorous fucking, but like the first scene, this one goes on long after it has ceased being interesting. Looking for a bright side, Skylar does get a chance to show off her natural breasts during reverse cowgirl and the scene does end with a nice facial from this blonde
Christie Stevens & Donnie Rock
Romeo Pierce gets to fuck Christie Stevens. We have to put up with more of Evan over-acting through stupid dialog, but at least there is something worth watching when it’s done. I have always been fond of Christie and she seems to really enjoy the way he’s working her over with his fingers. The clothes come off slowly and we get to check out her body before she turns her attention to his meat. Christie spits on his dick and slides it to the back of her throat until she gags. He spreads her pussy for a few licks before sticking his dick in there. The spoon shots are rather interesting because the angle allows for some really good looks at her legs and big bouncing tits. Her thigh high stockings are also pretty sexy. When they move to doggy she holds her body in a way that has her breasts handing and rocking as well as her pretty pussy on display while getting rammed. For the best views of her body, check out the reverse cowgirl. Christie rides the dick and works her hips like she is racing to the finish line. We also get to watch her throw her legs way back while he goes deep. She takes a load on the face. This is the first scene that doesn’t feel painfully too long. It features some nice shots of Christie and that’s worth checking out.
Britney Amber & Alyssa Lynn
Sarah Palin (Britney Amber) stumbles across Carly Fiorina (Alyssa Lynn) who also wants to be the VP. The former head of HP is dressed in a BDSM outfit that can’t hide her T&A. Their same sex attraction is too strong to resist. Britney tries hard at the accent and at playing new to the whole lesbian thing. Alyssa takes charge and there is enough fun boob play in the early going to keep things interesting. Alyssa spreads Britney on the bed and gives her pussy enough attention to have her creaming in no time. That finger play makes Britney happy to expand more than her horizons. She learns her lessons well and gets between Alyssa’s thighs. The Palin impersonation wears thin, but Brit has a great body and if you love huge tits, you are going to love the way Alyssa shakes her assets when she gets turned on. After using a dildo on Alyssa, Britney turns her ass to the air and enjoys a little anal play. Nice ass licking her and it is followed by some intense toy fucking. Britney shows great energy during a scene that is just slightly too long for its own good. Worth a look but it could have been tighter.
Governor Palin swoops in at the last minute and gets rid of the two pretenders. She is going to be the VP. This scene is painfully bad. The dialog is awful and the sound quality is worse than what we might get if they shot this fucking thing on their phones. The horrible over-acting continues as Britney strips down and masturbates. If you like the sight of this sexy woman masturbating I recommend muting the sound so you don’t have to listen to Evan screaming the whole time and effectively ruining the sexual heat. After just watching forty minutes of Britney as Palin having lesbian sex, the solo is all right, but a tad anti-climactic.
BONUS: Trailers, Commercials
