Triple Love Bullet (Reviewed by Savana Switzer)

Overall rating: B-

Name: Triple Love Bullet

Reviewer: Savana Switzer

Type of Toy: Bullet/Egg Vibrator

Bottom Line: Just barely above a bad egg.

Price: $17.99 at PEXX.com

Manufacturer: Topco Sales

Size: 2¼” long, 4 1/2″ wide (egg), 2¼” long, 3 1/2″ wide (largest bullet)

Material: Soft material over hard plastic.

Best For: Vaginal stimulation.

Review: B-

When I first saw the egg/bullet combo resting at the bottom of my porn care package from Rog, I was understandably excited. I had heard a lot about that style of vibrator without ever actually having tried it myself, and I was anxious to see if it would live up to my rather lofty expectations.

I was especially taken in by the motto emblazoned on my Bullet’s packaging: hi style for modern love. Modern love pretty much summarizes my sex life. I’m your average single college girl on the prowl, but never so busy prowling I’m unavailable to enjoy a good groping session with the girls. In fact, one of the initial appealing factors about the Bullet was the triple-action it offered. I imagined me and two girlfriends (to protect their identities, let’s just call them Kendra and Aurora) revamping girls’ night with Rog Rules tanktops and a mutual frig-fest. Well, so much for that. So begins the first empty promise of the Bullet.

As per my usual routine, I took every step to get into the mood, including reviewing Rog’s picture galleries and playing some erotic music (the kind that has a lot of saxophone influences because it’s most likely inspired by the work of Klaus Harmony). Once I had a decent image going (involving the aforementioned Kendra and Aurora) I slipped in the smallest the Bullet offered and adjusted the speed settings. When I didn’t feel much stimulation, I increased the speed, and then put in the next bullet, but still nothing. No fireworks, no giant explosion, not even a little geyser to spur the post-play satisfaction. My new toy didn’t flare, it fizzled.

The real problem arises from the fact that with such a small gadget, someone reasonably expects one hell of a punch to be packed. And with the Bullet, that just wasn’t the case. There was no punch, more of a gesture, and not enough to warrant much interest, and even if the vibrations had been stronger, the shapes of the bullets were just strange. The first felt like one of those individually-packaged erasers, and although the second one was better, it felt too much like my yearly exam to be sexy or comfortable.

There is a saving grace for the Bullet, which is the egg option (especially on the highest setting). At 4 1/2″ wide, it was a delicious stretch for someone as tight as myself, and I’m just masochistic enough to love it. I have a theory I’m not the only width hound out there. I agree with other women who have come forward and stated that it isn’t “the length of the boat” that matters. I agree with them, but I’ll also admit this: I’ll take a raft over a canoe any day, and the egg is the only thing that keeps this toy from being chucked overboard completely.

Weaknesses: Too-weak vibrations and unsatisfactory shapes of bullets.

Batteries Needed: 2 AAA (not included).

Clean Up: Soap and Water.

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