Not Traci Lords XXX
MOVIE TYPE: Parody
120 Mins
X Play
DIRECTOR: Will Ryder
CONDOMS: None
THEMES: Parody, 80’s Porn, Classic Porn
2016
STARS: Courtney Shae, Cameron Dee, Natasha Vega, Zoey Monroe, Ashley Graham, Angelina Chung, Mia Austin, Lucy Tyler, Carter Cruise Richie Calhoun, Tom Byron
REVIEW-
This is a very original addition to the XXX parody genre. It’s actually a period piece that serves as a nod to the golden age of the 80’s. Will Ryder puts together a whole lot of newish porn chicks and turns them loose with some voice over work taking us back thirty years to a porn world that had never heard of gonzo, Viagra or piracy. It looks like Will bought up every ounce of hairspray he could get his hands on and let the girls do their best to bring old school glamour to us with a touch of new school nastiness. I like this movie for what it is. It’s a solid flick with good sexual energy and some cute girls. It has a nice script that really pays tribute to the stars of the era. It would have been really nice to see a more fully developed storyline. The Traci Lords story is actually ripe for such a movie. That might have been interesting to see and might have done Traci justice. Instead this one settles for nice snippets with girls who sometimes look a bit like the women they are portraying. To that it would have been really cool if the women in the cast had done some serious work to at least get some of the mannerisms down. Ashley Graham seems to do that a bit in her portrayal of young Nina Hartley. It may seem like a lot to ask, but I actually remember a movie kind of like that. Ironically enough it was back in the 1980’s and starred Traci Lords and Christy Canyon. Both superstars had some fun sounding like Ginger Lynn and Stacy Donovan. OK, I’m off track. Lucy Tyler plays the title role although really this movie is less about Traci Lords and more about an era and specifically how porn was run through Jim South’s office. To that end, we all love Tom Byron as Jim South and get a good chuckle as he sends young Tommy B off to fuck the new and fresh Ms. Lords. I really like this movie for what it is, a fun trip back to when porn was a lot different and we knew all of the stars by name, especially the most infamous girl in the history of our business, Miss Traci Lords.
Courtney Shae, Carter Cruise & Richie Calhoun
As we open in 1984 Ginger Lynn (Courtney Shae) is the biggest star in the XXX galaxy. She sits down and gives an interviewer about how she got into porn. Courtney looks a bit like Ginger around the eyes. Today she is shooting with John Holmes (Richie Calhoun) who promises to go easy on Ginger. In walks Samantha Strong (Carter Cruise) who decides to just get things going with a blowjob. Carter is just dressed normally with no wig as she shares Richie’s dick with Courtney . He isn’t small, but there aren’t many guys who could measure up to Holmes in size or sheer douche-bag factor. The girls share nicely, but Carter is such an established star that it is hard not to gravitate to her rather than our Ginger stand in. As Carter backs off you can see a bit of Samantha in her face (Though the body type is totally different and with modern hair it would be a stretch). The director comes in and puts an end to the two on one fun. It is time for Ginger to do her thing. He gets to work on her pussy, licking it while she moans. Ounce she is good and wet, Courtney climbs on top and work her hips, taking his dick and showing off her butt. Since they aren’t re-creating a memorable Ginger scene and Courtney isn’t really trying to sound like the legend, this one basically falls into a typical pattern with good energy, a nice ass and a wig. It ends with a facial hot right on her lips.
Cameron Dee &
Cameron Dee plays Amber Lynn. After a brief interview and quick cameo from Mark Kernes, she gets into bed for a basic vanilla fuck. The lingerie looks like something Amber would have worn and Cameron shows the ability to be quite vocal. Neither performer looks much like who they are playing which is probably a good thing for her male costar. Jerry Butler was quite an actor, but he was a bit of a paunchy dude and this guy doesn’t have that problem. Cameron earns points for riding a dick with a lot more energy and vocal enthusiasm than most 80’s pornstars, including the way she is portraying here, ever did. They finish with a facial. Another thing that was a bit rare for certain Ms. Lynn’s back in the day.
Angelina Chung, Mia Austin & Jay Smooth
Adding a little flavor to the 80’s are Kristara Barrington (Angelina Chung) and Nina DePonca (Mia AustinLucy Tyler & Tyler Nixon
Lucy Tyler lands the lead role as Traci Lords. She sits in Jim South’s office, weaving a tale of how she dropped out of Ohio State to come to LA for stardom. In a bit of genius, Jim South (played by Tom Byron) calls in Tom Byron (played by Tyler Nixon) to give young Miss Traci a try out. She is more than happy to show him what she’s got and after a short kiss, drops right to her knees. Now some of us are old enough to remember Traci and she had quite a bit more on top than Lucy, But Byron had more down below than Tyler so perhaps something about the VHS tapes of the 80’s made everything just look bigger. Lucy is very cute and there are some great POV shots as she sucks his dick. Throwing her legs back, she gets licked enough to get wet. He takes her from behind. Though Lucy really looks, acts or sounds nothing like Traci, the ass shots are pretty damn nice. They finish with a big facial. A star is born and a scandal is looming.
Ashley Graham, Zoey Monroe & Anthony Rosano
Ashley Graham plays a young Nina Hartley. She seems to be trying a bit to sound like Nina, but does she have the ass for this role? We shall see. Zoey Monroe plays Bunny Bleu who had a look and face so distinct that a pigtailed blonde doing the young girl act will have to do. When their male talent doesn’t show up, the girls insist on fucking the director just to get their fill of dick. They attack his cock and take turns sucking it. Zoey bobs her pretty blonde head on his lap with a great deal of enthusiasm, but I keep waiting for the puckered sneer that was Bunny’s trademark. With Zoey now face sitting, Ashley takes over the BJ duties. Ashley climbs on top and this is where the casting problems for this movie come into play. Nina has been in the industry for over 30 years and I don’t recall a single tattoo. Ashley has one across her belly that is impossible to miss as she rides in reverse cowgirl. Not that she is bad up there, it’s just worth noting. Zoey rides pretty hard and looks really good in her New Wave Hookers style clothes. Anthony has Zoey licking Ashley while he fucks her from behind. In question about Ashley having the right ass for the role gets answered when she rides dick. It’s a pretty good ass. Hard to beat 1980’s Nina and no trademark tan lines, but still pretty good. He pulls out and shoots all over Zoey’s face and Ashley’s tits.
Natasha Vega, Gaia & Eric John
Natasha Vega plays Christy Canyon and with a big wig and big tits, she fits the part. She is joined by Gaia (Mai Lin) for a three-way with Eric Edwards (Eric John). Natasha gets her big tits together for some wet tit fucking. (Important note, Christy’s amazing set are all home grown.) Gaia adds her always reliable oral skills to the party as the girls take turns spitting on the cock and sliding it between their knockers. After a short fuck, he shoots all over their boobs and faces. That was a Christy Canyon no-no back in the day.
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