PRIVATE- THE URANUS EXPERIMENT

OVERALL RATING: A+

135 Mins.

DIRECTOR: John Millerman

Private – 1999

THEMES: Plot, Euro-Babes, Spies.

STARS: Wanda Curtis, Silvia Saint, Cristina Dark, Bettina, Gabriella.

DVD FEATURES

Scenes

Languages

Subtitles

Play Movie

Extras

DVD EXTRA GRADE: A

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The first thing you notice is that the menu screens are very cool. Nice looking with some intense background music. As for extras, you can watch the movie in five different languages, and use four different subtitle languages. (I learned all I needed to know about Italian from porn.) Most of the bonus material comes in the “Extras” menu. In addition to the trailer for this movie (Very nicely shot) we get three other Private trailers. Also included is the always interesting “Report”. I love these short making of things that Private gives up. They serve as great promotional material and are interesting to watch. The cast material is rather plain, with one nice feature, lists of all Private appearance by the women of the U.E. The photo gallery is filled with extremely high quality shots and needs only a slide show option to be spectacular. Another nicely put together extra package from Private.

REVIEW:

Our story begins as two shuttles, one American, the other Russian, take off on a join mission. The launch sequence has some very nice shots of a pair of control rooms, shuttles and cockpits. George Lucas won’t be too concerned with the visual effects here, but the production values kick the shit out of other porn films and even edge out a number of those low budget soft core adventure/sex films you find late at night on cable. What the Americans don’t know is that the Russian crew is actually on a top secret mission to monitor the effects of zero gravity on sexual behavior. The woman assigned to this mission is a beautiful, but frigid blonde who is able to go about her business, monitoring people screwing with no reactions of her own.

The same can not be said for her young assistant who has a thing for one of the test subjects. Not wanting the research to be ruined, one of her superiors steps in. The poor girl loses the well built young man and has to go down on her balding, portly boss. It doesn’t seem to matter much however, as long as the dick works, this pretty little Russian hosebeast is very happy. She looks fantastic in her white undies, stroking her pussy as she makes his shaft vanish in her pretty mouth. No wonder the old guy pops a nut on her tongue in record time. If Russian sexual harassment laws allow for this kind of blatant abuse of gorgeous young things, maybe I was wrong about that whole Cold War thing.

So, the game has begun. There is a really nice story working here, so I won’t give too much away, but I do have to cover the next sex scene. Frustrated that their attempts to get a sperm sample from a married American astronaut. They take matters to the next level, sneaking an operative under the covers to get what they need. This is a very nicely shot scene as she slides up his thighs and takes his cock into her mouth. (Hey guys, scenes like this just might slip this one past the wife without making it a total loss.) This sucking agent gets her sample in record time. (Question, wouldn’t the saliva in her mouth fuck up a sperm sample?)

The thrill of a job well done has an interesting effect on the agent and her cute young partner. With the astronaut’s partner still passed out between them, (I guess he got his rocks off and went right to sleep.) the two women gently caress each other. With a lot of touching and breast kissing, this is another very couples friendly scene that has my interest primarily because the two women are such eye candy. (And yes sports fans, I dig the very cool, erotic lighting, but don’t tell anyone OK.) After a lot of finger play, one of the women leans over the prone wife and seems less than shocked to feel her tongue working. My guess is that the wife must think she’s in a dream. Well, eating pussy in a dream doesn’t count as cheating right? And it doesn’t make her gay? (Check the Clinton sexual definition list for the answers to these questions.)

Another of the US astronauts did not require such elaborate plans. When he gets shot down by one of his fellow crew members (Silvia Saint) one of the Russian agents moves in, flashes a few adoring looks his way and it’s all over. Back at his place, the lovely woman shows her adoration for the hero by taking his rocket into her mouth and making it ready for take off. Nice shots as she drops down on him, grinding her pussy for a bit before dismounting to suck her juices from his dick. The sex between these two is nice to look at, but a bit slower than we are used to from Private girls. She does jerk him off to a very nice facial, sucking and stroking until every drop of cum is drained and collected. Mission accomplished.

The American and Russian shuttles are successfully launched and dock in space. While the space shots won’t remind you of Starship Troopers, they are impressive enough to make this one of the most impressive non-sex sequences in a porn this year. It runs a little long, but if you’re looking for real feature film type stuff in your porn, this is as good as it gets.

On their first night in space, the Russian doctor sends one of her operatives to get the first sample. There is one problem though. All of the movements aboard the shuttles are being monitored, so everyone on the ground is getting an eye full of a lovely Russian pussy hovering over the lucky space jockey’s face. They quickly call the President to try and get to the bottom of the crisis as quickly as possible. If you ask me, Mr. Pres just wants to get a look a little KGB cunnie. They watch in shock as the young astronaut enjoys a zero gravity boff with a beautiful Russian girl. If only he knew that all she really wanted was his sperm. This is the scene that was talked up big time, and it is impressive. Sure, it looks a little odd, but it’s not like we’ve ever seen this sort of thing before. (And don’t you know that Kubrick would just love something like this? 2069 A Sex Odyssey.) I just wonder how she managed to collected the sample after he fired it towards her face. (Though it looks a whole lot like the pop was just shot and shown upside down.)

There are more flashbacks, this time thanks to one of the President’s advisors. He had personally interviewed the astronauts before take off and noticed nothing unusual. At least that’s what he says, because in the flashback, his interview with Silvia Saint is anything but routine. She is suffering from an in tolerable case of the hornies and can’t help herself. Without that suit on Silvia is nothing short of genetic perfection. Her body and face are the things porn legends are made of. I just wonder how he can sit back and watch her play with herself for as long as he does. Not that I mind watching her get herself off mind you. Eventually he wises up and sticks his cock in her from behind. Silvia looks great in doggy, but even better in reverse cowgirl because it shows off all of her awesome assets. Well, all of them except for her perfect ass which takes center stage only briefly during some cowgirl. Thankfully, Silvia knows exactly how we want to see her finish a scene, stroking a big load right onto her cover girl face and perfect tits. Nope, nothing unusual here.

Another agencies chimes in, assuring the President that they too, did some close studies of the crew before take off. Sexy black babe Bettina is out to gather some info on the studs of the crew and she is a perfect operative. When the guys save her from a staged bar room tussle, Bettina has them right where she wants them. The married guy is whisked away by his wife, the Captain studboy is immediately taken by this exotic beauty. She does a great job on his dick, making it disappear. My problem with this scene is the lighting. It gives everything an orange tint and I rather like the contrast offered by this chocolate skinned beauty and her ivory shafted stud. It’s not enough to ruin the scene though. Nothing could take away from Bettina’s great blowjob. Hell, she even kisses him for a bit while he takes off her bra. (Ain’t that sweet.) Great low angle shot of her riding his lap here, showing off an incredible ass and some super hot fucking. Luckily for us, her privates look just as good from the other end during a nice spoon. Her pretty pussy gets drilled from behind and I can’t decide which is nicer to look at, her pussy, her legs or her face. Bettina is one of those wonderful Private finds who has it all. This includes not only a willingness to take in the ass, but a genuine love for having her pooper packed. Her short anal is followed by another great shot of Bettina suck/stroking his load into her mouth. Nice facial on a face I’d love to paint.

There is another level of intrigue added to the mix. You see, if the guys are unable to perform in space, the Russians have a new drug to try on them. In yet another flashback, we see how the drug was developed and tested on cute young lab workers. (Love those mad scientists) The very pretty young woman tries the drug and instantly becomes as horny as a toad. (Reserve a case of this shit.) Two older doctors stand by in amazement, writing down their findings. However, when they shuffle her off into the next room, a young man doesn’t hesitate for a second before taking advantage of this randy Russian. She licks her way slowly down his chest, tearing his T shirt off. Even before the sex begins, this is already a very erotic pairing. Though his cock is too big for her mouth, this young slutlet does her best to fit it in, fingering her shaved pussy the whole time. Before he can fuck her, the young cutie lies on the floor and slides three fingers into her snug slit, beckoning him to get down on the floor and join her. With a woman as petite as this, squat fucking is always fun to watch, but it’s even hotter when the dick is so fat. Those deep down itches the drug made her feel are being scratched for sure by this awesome tool. No anal for this little cutie, but she does stroke him into her mouth and licks her fingers clean of his seed. I’d ride that for a dollar!

In an effort to get to the bottom of the problem, the Americans are running an in depth investigation. The two Russian agents are called in for questioning, but before they make it all the way in, they stop for a little taste of the shy secretary. While one distracts the blonde by sucking on her tits, the other agent is hard at work on the computer. All that time behind the desk has left the poor woman horny as hell and dying for some attention. Her nipples stand up under the other woman’s assault even before the Russian dips between her thighs. Her job done, agent number two joins the fun, kissing the American girl. Her boss walks in on this three way lesbian love fest and scolds his secretary. Seeing her in this new light distracts him from his work long enough for the Russians to slip out. She slowly takes his cock out his pants and begins to kiss and lick his long tool. In the middle of her blowjob, two other women come in. Now the investigating team is so busy fucking and sucking to get to the bottom of the situation. This lucky guy now has three young women to play with and the little blonde is a super hottie. Blondie puts her mouth to good use, taking his cock deep in her throat while the other girls feed on each other’s tits. In fact, he is so focused on this perfect little creature, that he lets the two girls lap away while he fucks her. He finds the strength to pull away and give the other girls a little injection. To the rescue come two other men who make sure that all pussies get filled. In a classic Private group grope, the action is fast and furious, with all three good looking women being passed around and sodomized. Very well shot anal and DP action and a trio of gorgeous ladies make this a good scene for the raincoaters out there. Great facials for all three, but the blonde is the real treasure here, a total breathtaking slutlet who takes her shot like a superstar.

You know, there is a plot here that I actually care about. The flashbacks and multiple story lines take a little bit of getting used to, but worth the effort. Though this is one of the most well thought out and elaborate porn films of the year, someone forgot to tell Millerman that features aren’t supposed to have such great sex. The cast of Private babes is pretty spectacular looking and all know how to fuck. Many of the scenes are shot in ways that couples will appreciate, but there is no lack of balls to the wall action. I can’t remember a more complete movie this year. Incredible production values, a plot I actually care enough about to follow, gorgeous Euro-babes, hot anal and facial action, something for everyone. I just can’t wait to see what happens and who gets to bone Silvia in part two.

REVIEW

Few movies have ever been given as much advanced hype as The Uranus Experiment. As jaded as I generally am about movies that are so pre-hyped, I have to admit, the prospect of a well shot feature film with Private girls and hot sex, made me rather anxious to see this one. In the past, Private has taken us to the deserts of Egypt, back in time a few centuries and down under for great, bone stirring adventures. Will John Millerman’s super space adventure bring enough sexual heat to the table to match the big budget, special effects and actual plot this film is reported to have? Well, casting Silvia Saint is a good place to start. If everything else goes to Hell, at least this blonde beauty will fuck the cream filling out of some lucky guy for our viewing enjoyment.

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