BAILEY MONTAINE’S POOL PARTY

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OVERALL RATING: 2
113 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Thomas Zupko
Arrow/Apocalypse Productions
THEMES: Outdoor Sex, Underwater Sex, Lesbian Sex.
CONDOMS: None Noted
2000
3/00
STARS: Bailey Montaine, Sonja Redd, Caroline Pierce, Lauren Montgomery, Capri Cameron, TJ Heart, Brian Surewood.
REVIEW:
Some of you may remember what happened the last time I reviewed a Thomas Zupko movie. After perhaps the two worst hours of my life watching “Anal Ball” I expressed my displeasure with that movie somewhat harshly. Now with a new company, Zupko brings up Bailey Montaine’s Pool Party. Rather than dwelling on the past, I am going to wipe the slate clean and look at this movie with a fresh attitude towards Zupko. (The sooner I can erase AB from my memory the better.) Right off the bat, it looks like the cast is better looking for this movie, so that’s a great start. Now, my only question is who the hell is Bailey Montaine and why is she having a pool party?
Standing in the middle of a trash strewn yard, some dude is cleaning a pool that looks like lime Kool Aide. (Is there lime Kool Aide?) He whips out his dick and takes a leak a pool. Then for no apparent reason, he sits on a toilet that is in the middle of the lawn. Bailey comes over, starts chastising him for the shape of her yard and he reacts by shoving her face down to his cock. Bailey has big tits and looks like quite a fuck machine in her bikini. As she sucks, the action switches to slow motion from time to time. I hate that in couples smut, so I really don’t get why anyone would use it while a busty slut tit fucks some dude on a toilet. (Couples porn for the new millennium?) I really don’t get it. And what the fuck is up with Bailey’s asshole? When the action is shot in slow motion, it’s pretty hard anal with those huge tits flopping around in front of the camera. I really hate slow mo sex, so this opening scene is a bit of a dud.
Sonja Redd and Brian Surewood do some interesting underwater oral sex. It’s not exactly a normal scene, but I have to say I like it. Very nice work. The credits finally roll on this movie a half an hour into the action, but hey, no one ever said Zupko did things like everyone else. After the credits, a nice lesbian scene is crashed by Caroline Pierce and Sonja Redd. The chick credited as Lauren Montgomery gets bent over and fucked by Sonja with a big strap on. I like the idea of a gentle little Andrew Blake lez fest taken straight into the gutter by a couple of hardened dykes. Kind of funny that the best action so far is a veggie scene. Very hot dildo play here.
We stay by the pool as leggy Heidi Ho plays with herself. She does a solo scene at the edge of the pool while a I guy jerks off on a blowup raft. After a nice little show, Heidi moves in to demonstrate how she got her name, sucking his cock like a good ho. He blows a quick nut in her mouth, but the pool fun doesn’t stop. This time it’s Capri playing with her pussy as we watch. Since she is so damn good looking, this is pretty hot footage. The lighting is pretty fucked up, but hey it’s at night in a pool, what do you expect? Once again, we flow right into the next scene. This time, Caroline and Sonja come back to fuck TJ Heart. By now, the lighting is a little tiresome and in spite some more great strap on sex, this one is pretty easy to pass up.
Bailey and Caroline team up to fuck pretty little Capri in yet another girl/girl scene. Things just get strange from here on out. The scenes don’t flow well, they jump all over the place with some bad lighting thrown in to really fuck things up. There are definitely some strokeable moments mixed in here, they are just hard to find. Capri and Bailey sharing a two headed dildo is pretty fucking hot, but the same piece of audio is looped over and over. I have actually rather enjoyed the soundtrack to this movie, but during the marathon lezbo action it gets as tedious as the sex. Capri gets attacked by Bailey and Caroline later and it’s more nice veggie sex with toys, but how much veggie can one man take? Guys do finally come in, but the grainy, slow motion sex is back in effect. Come on Zupko, you’re making jerk off films for raincoaters, not shitty “Zazel” stuff that no one could possibly jerk off to. It’s too bad because Capri sucking cock is a lovely sight.
I can’t tell you how much better this movie is than Anal Ball. That doesn’t mean I loved the Pool Party, in fact, it has some huge problems. However, there are some strokeable moments and that is a HUGE improvement. The cast has some bright spots, especially Capri and Heidi. It’s also filled chicks who love to fuck and that overcomes some lacking beauty. What I don’t get is all the slow motion sex. If it kills heat in couples flicks, why do it in a ‘coater venture? The total lack of structure will likely appeal to some of you, but I found it very tedious. Too much movement from one scene to another in the final half of the vid. Maybe I was looking for too much structure, but the whole ‘dykes breaking in on a nice pool party’ idea sort of gets lost. Fans of strap on lesbian sex will have plenty to stroke to since that is more than half of the movie and brings us the best smut. In all, there are too many holes in this for me to recommend it, however, I won’t say to run away screaming. Now, what I want to know is why the fuck did this movie get banned?

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