SLAP HAPPY
OVERALL RATING: 0
110 Mins.
DIRECTOR: Alek James Hidell
Armageddon
THEMES: Slapping, choking, gagging, puking.
CONDOMS: Oral Vid
2000
10/00
STARS: Shyla, Gia Regency, Lina Hayat, Nadia Foster, Lena Ramone, Gia, Keri Starr, Raquel Ann Moore, Zarina, Suzanne Storm, Monica, Angel.
REVIEW:
This is one of the new lines from Armageddon that is sure to stir up plenty of interest and controversy. It’s a blowjob movie with a few twists. All of the girls get their faces slapped while sucking cock. Not with dicks, but with open hands. Big, loud smacks to the face that are sure to make plenty of people cringe. Usually, I save a wrap up for the final paragraph, but since I watched this movie already, I’m going to give you the skinny up front. There is also plenty of throat fucking, choking, gagging and for those of you who really like it messy, a few spewing chicks as well. A lot of the action will remind some viewer of Max Hardcore, though Mr. Hidell (Brandon Irons) has a much bigger cock so the action is much more brutal. The slapping is very much like what we see in the Rough Sex movies. If those movies turned you on, and you’re looking for a BJ companion tape, then this is something you’ve just got to check out. That said, I can tell you that personally, I won’t need any tissues or baby oil for the next ninety minutes or so.
Shyla is a fair looking blonde with a ring through her nose. She gets popped in the face then opens her mouth to take a big hard cock. Her head if forced down on the dick, making her gag a bit. When her oral skills aren’t up to par, she gets hit again. I love deep throat, but it’s generally something that a woman does to show of skill rather than something she endures as part of the brutality. She ends up wearing a thick load on her face.
Gia Regency looks like a low rent Regan Starr. I have to say, she looks a little less than thrilled about being slapped around. Her throat takes cock a little deeper than the first girl, allowing for some very hard face fucking. Since this isn’t my idea of a hot blowjob, it does little for me, but face fucking fans will dig it. What really make it hard to watch for me isn’t the way he stretches her lips with his mouth, it’s the vomit she spews all over him. Seriously, does anyone find this sexy? I mean, even if you don’t like the warm and fuzzy idea that you should care about the chick on the other end of your dick, wouldn’t you care that you just got yacked on? After this scene comes the first of many short interviews in which the girls are asked why they would let someone do this to them. This may soften the brutality a bit, so the hardest of the hard-core among you may want to just skip this part.
Lina Hyatt is actually pretty damn cute. I would very much like to see her in a scene where she does more than just flinch as she’s smacked around. She clearly can’t take it very deep, but she gets enough in there to make her gag. I imagine this chick is going to making the teen vid rounds because of her cute little features and doe like eyes. This scene is much less brutal than the first two, making me think that the director at least cared enough to make notes of his talent’s limits.
Nadia Foster starts out with a ball gag in her mouth. When that comes out, a cock instantly fills the little blonde’s lips. By now you know what to expect. She gets face fucked until she chokes and drools all over his cock and herself. Of course, in between, she gets the shit slapped out of her. Maybe this is an acquired taste, but I’ve been through this thing one and a half times and still not a still not a single stir down below the desk here. Having said that, I would like to know if people who like the choke fuck, gagging stuff prefer this to what Max does? If so, why? It not, why not?
From here on out, you pretty much know what you’re getting. Lena Ramone, Gia, Keri Starr, Raquel Ann Moore, Zarina, Suzanne Storm, Monica and Angel round out the cast and they all get the same treatment. What can be said about this movie? It’s definitely for a specific market. I mean if you don’t get off on girls slapped, choke fucked, gagged and treated like crap, then there isn’t anything for you here. (I fall into that category, obviously.) On the other hand, if this is your kind of movie, then you’ll love it. The girls aren’t that’ hot. There are a few who are all right, but mostly, they are average or worse. I’m sure it isn’t easy to find girls who will do this sort of thing. Technically, things are very solid, with only some minor hot lighting issues. Irons (Hydell) knows what he’s doing with the camera and the picture quality is pretty good. This really is the perfect blowjob companion piece to Rough Sex. The same people who hated Rough Sex are going to hate this one, but like those movies, I defend this movie in spite my lack of enthusiasm for it.