List #67 September 16, 2002
10 Things That Just Don’t Happen As Much When You’re a Grown Up
1. Having the Wind Knocked Out of You- It seemed like this happened to be twice a week. The worst feeling in the world.

2. Waking Up With Gum In Your Hair- Maybe this is because so many grown ups have so much less hair.

3. Laughing So Hard Milk Comes Out of Your Nose- And just a note, doing this with soda is a really painful thing.

4. That Little Cramp In Your Side From Running- Even as out of shape as I am, that cramp just doesn’t seem to come back.

5. Getting Kicked in the Shins- With a pain that bad, thank God it doesn’t happen as often.

6. Waking Up One Morning to Find That Your New Pants Are Suddenly “Flood Pants.” Granted, now we wake up and can’t get them around our waist so I guess that’s a trade off.

7. Getting Into Fights- As adults, there are assault charges, but as kids, playground scuffles were daily things.

8. Getting a Treat When You Leave the Dr.’s Office. OK that still happens, but instead of a sucker you get a nice prescription for some happy pills.

9. Doing Anything and Everything to Avoid Sleep- Now, any excuse for a nap is a good one.

10. Food Fights- Come on, in school, at church, on the beach. We just don’t get to hurl mashed potatoes and peas at each other any more.